In the Grey
by flying metal child
Summary: COMPLETE! A strange, one sided relationship begins to form between Dib and Zim. How will Zim handle Dib's advances when he can't feel the same physically? Zim's answer is a compromise. Each will get what he wants, one way or another...ZADR.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Invader Zim.

A **warning** now. This will be heavy ZADR slash, and strangely enough, sexually one-sided. What does this mean? Well, you'll have to read to find out. I hope you like long chapters, so please enjoy this first one, and comments are always welcome. Thanks.

**In the Grey**

by: flying metal child

Chapter 1

~~~

It was the end of their sophomore year in high school when something went horribly wrong. Dib could tell something was amiss when Zim became strangely quiet about a week before summer vacation. The alien sat in class and stared vacantly at the teacher and it seemed that nothing registered in his mind. Whenever Dib approached him, Zim would say nothing and walk on by without so much as a blink or a sneer...nothing.

When summer came, Dib became even more worried when Zim showed up on his doorstep, no disguise, and just stood there frowning and silent as if he were expecting Dib to do something or that he was supposed to know what to do, but Dib didn't and kept asking the boy what was going on, where was his disguise, what did he want, and "If you're not going to say anything Zim, then just go home!"

But he didn't go home. When Zim didn't budge from the Membrane doorstep, Dib whined furiously and slammed the door in the alien's face, yet two minutes later, the doorbell rang and Dib once again found himself face to face with his nemesis.

Dib groaned and eyed Zim once again, finally saying, "Zim, you shouldn't be walking around without your disguise," Dib folded his arms, "what if a human sees you?" The human grinned evilly.

"You see me," Zim said softly, looking up at Dib with deliciously red eyes. He didn't like that look and he cringed.

"Yes," he replied slowly, "I see you Zim, but I already know you're an alien. Now go home, seriously, I don't want to see you until you try to take over the planet again." Dib began to shut the door once more, but Zim grabbed it quickly with his three-fingered hand and pushed it open angrily.

"What's wrong with you Dib, don't you want me?" Dib pried the alien claw from his door and shoved it back at its owner. "You're crazy Zim! I don't want you!"

"Yes you do! I'm here Dib and I'm giving myself to you!" Zim roughly forced himself by Dib and into his house where he backed up onto the sofa and sat down. Dib slammed the door and was confused, more than angry, at Zim's intrusion, but he was even more confused by Zim sitting casually on his sofa, his hands folded as if he was waiting for something. That empty look had graced his face once more, but somehow it was sad and Zim seemed smaller than usual.

"Zim you can't just come into someone's house you know? Don't you have any manners?"

"You come into my house all the time."

"Well...I do that to save the world, this is just rude." Dib walked over to the sofa and grabbed Zim's arm and tried to force him to stand, but Zim was dead weight and didn't seem to care that someone had a painful death grip on his arm. No, he didn't care at all. Dib pulled harder. Zim was so tiny and it should have been easy to just lift him up, but Dib was pretty skinny himself and not very strong so he gave up and simply stared at the alien who seemed rather nonplussed by the whole thing.

"Zim, get off my couch."

"No."

"Fine. I guess I'll just have to call the earth authorities and have them take you away in chains to be cut up into tiny pieces." Dib said jokingly with a little truth in his words as he walked slowly to use the kitchen phone.

"Good, that's why I came here in the first place." Dib froze and turned around.

"I thought that you would have at least taken advantage of me the first time, but you're dumber than I thought." Zim stood up and approached his human enemy passively. "I never expected that I would have to beg to be taken." Zim was very close now, very close. Dib could smell his clean skin, lightly fragrant, and he realized that this was probably the closest he'd ever been to Zim aside from when they were fighting.

Dib swallowed hard when Zim came one step closer so that their chests touched.

"I'm giving myself to you Dib." Zim whispered and closed his eyes slowly and then opened them once more to reveal their vivid redness.

"I don't understand Zim," Dib took a small step back, "you want me to turn you in? Why, after all this time...after...you're giving up?"

"Yes."

Dib narrowed his eyes and took another step back. "No, this is some kind of trick. You don't give up so easily. What's your plan Zim?"

"I have no plan, only yours. I'm unarmed and the only things in my pack are the necessary bio-chips that keep me alive. If you don't believe me then look for yourself."

Dib laughed and pointed at the alien, "Oh no, see that's your plan. You want me to look and something horrible will come out and do more horrible things to me. Please Zim, I'm not that stupid."  
  
That set Zim off into a rage and his face contorted into a scowl that Dib had never seen before. "I'M NOT LYING STUPID EARTH MONKEY!!!" He yelled and angrily detached the pak from his back and in a fit threw it at Dib. He caught it, barely, and instantly looked inside the openings to see that indeed, only a few chips were inside. No spider legs or hidden laser guns. It was completely hollow inside. Dib knew Zim would die without it in ten minutes so he looked at the clock on the wall. 5:09 p.m. The countdown began. 

Zim merely stood while Dib handled the pack nervously--what game is the alien playing?

Zim didn't ask for his life. The pack was his life and he was just standing there. 5:13.

Strange, the pack wasn't seeking a new host.

The alien faltered where he stood. Dib watched him cautiously. 5:15. Four more minutes.

5:16. Okay, Dib was a little scared now because he really didn't want Zim to die!

5:17.

Two more minutes and Dib couldn't take it anymore. He quickly walked up to Zim who was nearly ready to fall over and gently placed the pack in its rightful place. Thankfully, it grabbed on and Zim quickly regained himself and instantly seemed ashamed at what he had almost done to himself...in front of his enemy no less. He shook his head and closed his eyes and begged Dib to take him.

"You believe me now," he directed those ruby orbs in Dib's direction, "end it."

"End it? What's wrong with you Zim?" Dib hissed and grabbed Zim's shoulders, shaking him hard. "What you just did...that was suicide!"

"NO! That's not suicide!" Zim broke away from Dib's grasp and with shaky hands removed his gloves and pulled back a sleeve to reveal a network of light green scars on one arm. The wrist was the most scarred, but many more ran up his arm and over his hand like thick veins.

"THIS!" Zim yelled and thrust the arm at Dib, "This is suicide...and I can't even do that right." The little arm was held out for Dib and it shook terribly. Dib took it because he felt that Zim was offering it and as soon as he did, he felt the warm skin in his palm and the smooth scars like velvet under his fingers. He traced the scars carefully, wondering if they were still painful, wondering why Zim would do this to himself.

"Did you really do this to yourself Zim?" Dib looked down at the alien for answers, gripping his thin arm tighter. "Why would you try to kill yourself?"

Zim barely smiled as a tiny tear ran down his face, "Because." It was all he had to say. He couldn't tell Dib the real reason because it hurt him too much, just like the self-destruct mechanism had hurt, but sadly, it had malfunctioned and left him maimed and still alive.

"I need to finish it Dib. Finish it for me." Zim was shaking with new tears and his body was wracked with a sadness that he didn't know he possessed. He didn't want to have any anger or sadness or pain...he just wanted peace after the truth.

It was all a lie. 

Dib still held onto the scarred arm that trembled with the shaking sobs of the body it was attached to. Those tears on Zim's face, they were so crystal clear and pretty and they made Dib feel sympathy when he didn't want to and for a moment, he forgot that Zim was his enemy. It was decision time. He could either turn Zim in or he couldn't...those were the only options he had, but there was only one clear choice after he took one last look at the silently crying creature in front of him.

"Come on Zim." Dib took Zim by the hand and led him to the couch, ordering him to sit.

"Are you going to call your authorities now, Dib-human?" He said passively, sinking into the soft cushions, and wiping the wetness from his face with the back of his hand. Dib laughed a little and got some tissue to take over wiping Zim's face and surprisingly he didn't flinch at his gentle touch.

"No, I'm not turning you in." 

"Why?"

"Because." Dib threw away the tissue.

"Because why?" Dib sighed. Zim wasn't going to let him live this one down. 

"Because," Dib began as he sat himself next to Zim, "you want me to turn you in, which isn't a good thing. Plus, you tried to kill yourself and I want to know why." Dib faced the alien and caught his eyes with his and he would not let him look away, but he smiled tenderly to let him know that he wasn't in any danger and that for once, he could trust him. 

"Zim, just tell me...I won't judge you or anything, okay?" 

"I don't want to say. It's too..." his antennae lowered and he put a scowl on his face. "I don't understand why you won't take advantage of this situation Dib-human. I thought you wanted to dissect me," Zim finished with a hiss.

"Geez Zim I already told you. You're not yourself, that's all."

"That doesn't sound like a good reason to me."

"Well that's all you're getting, Zim so deal with it." They stared hard at each other, not angrily, but stubbornly. Zim didn't want to reveal an embarrassing secret and Dib wasn't about to let the alien get away without an explanation. 

"I don't see why you won't say anything Zim. I can already figure that something bad happened to you, I mean, I has to be pretty bad for you want to kill yourself right?" Zim nodded at that. It was pretty bad. He was stranded, alone, banished from his people, and utterly afraid of what might happen to him next. The Tallests had been so cruel to him and when they finally told him that he was never wanted, that he was a nuisance, Zim's world shattered. What was he to do but die by his own hand, but even that hadn't worked, so he chose the next best thing...he would die by his enemy's. 

He had thought Dib would be himself and do what he always did, but he was wrong.

"Dib," Zim said after a few silent moments, "I can't tell you what happened to me, but if you must know, your planet is no longer marked for conquest. The earth is safe for now."

"Really? Were you ordered not to take it over? Huh?" Dib was excited now. If Zim was telling the truth, then his battle with the alien was finally over.

"Yes human I was ordered, there, that's all I'm saying. Now," he stood and looked down at Dib, "what are you going to do with me?" Dib laughed at that because it sounded like he was his slave or something.

"I'm not doing anything with you. Won't you go back home, to your planet, now that the earth isn't your, uh, job thing anymore?"

"No," Zim said softly, "it doesn't work that way. I'm supposed to stay here."

"Oh" Dib said simply and looked up at Zim, and he looked sadly, but surely, down at the human. "So you were ordered to live here, on earth, forever?" Zim nodded. "What will you do now?" Dib asked also and questioned if he were going to stay in school.

"I haven't figured that out yet. I need to think." Zim began to make for the front door when Dib remarked, following close behind, "If it were me Zim, I'd just not go anymore. No one would care."

Zim froze when he got to the door and he swallowed hard and tried not to think of those horrible words the Tallests had said to him.

No one cares. No one cares about you Zim. No one.

Zim steadied himself and looked over his shoulder at Dib, "I know." He began to turn the knob when Dib's hand landed strongly on his shoulder.

"How do I know you won't try to hurt yourself again?" Dib demanded. 

"I won't you stupid monkey." With a swat of his hand, Zim knocked his hand away and said very snobbily, "Don't touch me."

"Oh please Zim, just five minute ago you were begging me to take you."

"I changed my mind." Zim said through clenched teeth and opened the door. Dib couldn't do anything but watch him walk away and without a disguise. Stupid alien. He was out in the open, so Dib ran upstairs and grabbed one of his hooded pullovers, soft and grey, and rushed out of his house and quickly caught up with Zim who was walking slowly towards his base.

"Zim, here." Dib called out to him a little breathless, man he was out of shape! Zim turned at the sound of his voice and looked at the wadded grey mass of fabric being offered to him.

"And what is this?" he asked.

"It's a sweater with a hood. I think you should wear it home because you have no disguise and even though it's a little hot out, it shouldn't bother you too much…here." Dib pushed it at Zim who only backed away.

"I don't want your clothing Dib, now leave me alone!"

"Dammit Zim stop being _so_ stubborn!" Dib hooked Zim with the neck of the pullover and forced it over his body. The little Irken's arms were trapped under the cloth and he wiggled which caused the arms of the shirt to flap around. It was pretty funny to see Zim like that, but Dib quickly remedied it by helping him pull his arms through and flipping the hood over his head. 

"There." Dib said proudly and took in Zim's appearance. For someone who had just refused help, the alien seemed reluctant to fuss about what the human had just done. Maybe he was grateful, who knows, but Zim would never say. It didn't matter now, he'd get home just fine if he lay low.

"Well?" Dib questioned because it seemed that Zim wasn't going to say anything, but he did shrug his shoulders and stick his naked hands into the pullover's warm pockets. 

"Okay then. Bye Zim." Dib figured that was it for his encounter with Zim and he turned to go back home. Zim too turned and walked away, confused as to why the human was so eager to help him. Dib had said that he wouldn't take him because he was...what? Something about not being himself. He was out of character? Maybe the human really did have an intuition that something had gone wrong with him and maybe he sensed his grief. Zim frowned. If Dib had a partial idea as to his situation and refused to harm him because of it, where did that leave Dib in the scope of things, because Zim knew that even if he dropped out of school, the human would show up on his doorstep asking about him. Humans were so sympathetic.

As his odd green house appeared in the distance, Zim realized that it was Dib's sympathy that allowed him to go home alive tonight, and home was his base on planet earth now. There was no question about that, but what about himself? Zim walked up his sidewalk and thought about his life without Invading. Could he live with that?

He didn't know yet, but for now, suicide was not the answer. He opened his door.

But how to handle Dib...Zim eyed his house from the inside and pondered moving to a new location, far from Dib, and perhaps even making a holo-disguise like Tak had used. Hell, he could even get a human house and Dib would never know him if he were sitting on the front porch sipping lemonade! That would be the easiest solution. Yet so many more problems arose, like, what was he supposed to do? How would he keep busy? Maybe if he actually took over the earth and presented it to the Tallests, he would be welcomed back...

All this ran through his head when Gir bounced up from the labs and plopped himself in front of the Scary Monkey Show, completely ignoring his master, but Zim in return ignored the robot to sit at the kitchen table and think. 

The afternoon waned and summer clouds conspired to birth a tempestuous weekend...

~~~


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow my first chapter got deleted and I lost my only reviews, but thanks for them anyway you wonderful people, lies-d and ViolentArtista I believe it was.  And sorry for the horribly late update, but midterms and the like take precedence over IZ (unfortunately) ^_^

In the Grey

Chapter 2

Yes, the weekend had been horribly rainy and wet.

Dib sighed as he looked out his bedroom window.  If he had a car he could have driven straight over to Zim's house to check on the stupid suicidal alien, but it had been raining for two days straight.  

And for two days Dib had worried his big head about Zim and his scarred little arm and the tears.  Honestly.  Really he had!  It made him sick to think that Zim might be dead right now, bleeding or something else terrible…dying alone would be terrible.  Dib knew that Zim probably wouldn't want his help because that was his nature, but Dib's nature was the opposite.  He'd like some help now and then, maybe a friend, but he didn't think that Zim would appreciate the sentiment.

Well, Dib was sure that when the rain stopped, the first place he'd go was to Zim's funky green house.  Dib thought about Earth and how it was safe and somehow he felt he owed Zim a thank you for coming and broadening his narrow horizon, small as it was.  

Yeah, he'd never get his alien on an autopsy table, but that was okay just as long as that alien was alive and breathing.  That was a million times better than some stupid autopsy video.

Dib hopped off his bed because he suddenly thought of a wonderful idea!  He dug around in his closet and in his drawers, under his bed, the files in his computer…yes, all these things concerning Zim he pulled out of his hidden spaces and stuck them in a nice cardboard box.  But there was still a pile of Zim stuff on the floor and God! the files in his computer!  So many files under the name ZIM.

The contents of the box would suffice for now.  Dib happily folded the top and taped it like a present.  Photos, video tapes, voice recordings, notes, little ghastly sketches of alien guts…childish drawings, crude.  Dib had thrown those in too, glad that it had never really happened.

This simple box would be a present to Zim.  Dib hoped it would say, "Here is what I thought about you…now could you maybe tell me who you really are?"  The rain stopped.  Dib heard the silence like a needle-drop.  The coincidence was awesome and Dib snatched up his box present and ran for the door.  It was just too hot outside to wear his trenchcoat, so he went in his usual blue shirt and hopped into the humid afterglow of the summer rain.  He would have given Zim his Invader gloves back, the ones he'd discarded to show his suicide attempt, but Gaz had found them by the sofa later that day and she had immediately claimed them for herself.  Ah well, Zim wouldn't care.

Dib looked up to see the clouds breaking under the force of the sun, and every now and then a cloud would waft in the wind and open a place for the light to shine down on the puddles and the gushing rivers where the sidewalk met the street.  All this was nice, but Dib was focused on getting to his destination and the box was getting heavy.

The house appeared suddenly and Dib picked up his pace.  Would Zim even let him in?

_Was he alive?_

Dib didn't want to guess because he was at the door, ready to ring the doorbell.  He set the box down gently and pushed the button and he could hear the ding-dong from behind the door…voices too, but muffled.  The door opened and Dib gasped.  Relief washed over him.

"Dib-stink," Zim greeted.  "What do you want?"  Zim wasn't in his disguise, though he was still in his Invader uniform.  The red eyes dangerously narrowed…suspicious, always so suspicious.

"I came to check on you and to bring you something, a gift sorta."  Dib picked up the box and Zim hugged the door protectively, almost hiding behind it, but Dib ignored his unsure attitude and asked if he could come in.

"What's in the box?" Zim asked first as he looked at the package, his voice betraying curiosity for the mysterious contents--his gift.  Dib grinned inside.  Gotcha.  Even though Dib knew Zim would be hesitant to accept anything from him, just the fact that it was a "present" would override any good sense in the alien's reckless brain.  It was the foot in the door and Dib stepped forward and offered the box.

"Let me in and you'll find out."  Zim didn't think too long before he opened the door wide for Dib who strode in confidently, his eyes taking in the sparse furnishings in Zim's living room.  There was the red sofa as always and the creepy monkey picture.  The TV Gaz would die for…Zim should have a nice carpet in the middle of his floor and a coffee table to match.  But the alien probably didn't care about these things; he walked right through the imagined coffee table.  Dib shrugged off the vision and set the box at Zim's feet.  

"This isn't some kind of trick is it, Dib-stink?"  Zim asked.

"Oh no, no, come on just open it!  It's not a big deal really."  Zim looked at the box once more and got on his knees, Dib joined him.  The tape flew off, taking with it the delicate paper of the cardboard box.  The flaps came open and Zim peered inside.

Pictures of him, all of them!  Green skin and red eyes mingled with his disguised face, purple contacts and black wig.  Gir in his dog costume and in his robot glory…Zim stuck his hand in and swirled the pictures around, stirring up some video tapes and pieces of paper with Dib's handwriting.  Zim looked at a page and read the sentences that Dib had written time and time again.

_Zim's__ up to something, I just know it…Today Zim was acting funny in class, he must be planning something…he's doing something horrible…insane alien, plotting destruction…invasion…must stop him…if I don't stop him…_

These words were true, well, had been true at one point.  Zim hated to think that all those years he'd spent trying to conquer the Earth were in vain, but it was true and he was forced to live with his regrets and failures, humiliations.

"What does this mean human?" Zim asked simply, holding up a photo of him walking Gir.  "Tell Zim," he commanded in a low voice.

"Zim, all this is what I've gathered on you, actually, it's just some of it, but anyway, you can have it all, or destroy it if you want.  If you're not going to invade the Earth, then there's no need for all of this right?"  Dib looked at the photos sadly.  "I thought that maybe, if you're going to be here for awhile, that we might be--" 

"Friends?" Zim interrupted.  "Don't be ridiculous Dib-human.  The very idea of you and I as _friends_, is improbable."

"It's not improbable Zim.  Why?  Why is it improbable?"

"Because it just is.  Besides, just a few days ago I was your enemy, so how can you suddenly turn it all around!"

"Yeah, I was your enemy but hello Zim! You're not my enemy anymore."  Zim was staring at him hard and Dib felt pressed for an argument.  _Do you want me to convince you, Zim? _But Dib knew he couldn't say anything productive, so he remained silent as Zim turned back to the box to rifle through its contents.  He looked at the blurry ones, uninterested, until he came to one of him with Gir walking around the city.

"When did you take this one?" Zim asked and held it up for Dib who looked at it for a few seconds and grinned.

"Oh, I followed you one day about a year ago and watched you and Gir walk around doing stuff.  There's probably some more in there from that day.  Gir seems like a handful," Dib commented finally and Zim threw the photo back in the box. 

"You have more of this research of yours Dib-human, when will you bring it to me?"

Dib shrugged.  "I don't know, whenever.  It's summer and I want to relax now that I don't have to defend the world anymore!"  Dib grinned despite himself and Zim stiffened in anger.

"You are a FOOL Dib-creature!  What if all this is an elaborate ruse by me to get you to drop your guard?"

"A ruse?" Dib raised his eyebrow.  "Let me see your scars then, fake maybe?  And your pak the other day, were you just counting that I'd let you live?  I don't think you would have taken that chance Zim unless you really wanted something to happen."  Dib paused and looked at Zim, who by now had paled and he swallowed thickly as Dib crawled over to him.  "So, let me see those scars again."  Zim cradled his arm to his chest lovingly and he seemed frightened by the very thought of letting himself out in the open like he had the other day, but he had been distraught then and not thinking clearly.

"Zim, how do I know that you're not suicidal?"  Dib asked suddenly.

"Because I'm not," Zim said simply and he swiped his hands out and closed the box, hovering over it for a few seconds protectively before looking at Dib sternly.

 "I shouldn't have done it Dib-human," Zim said quickly. "I didn't know what to do, but it was moment of weakness and it will not happen again."  Dib nodded his head in understanding because that's all he had to go on now.  He couldn't possibly watch Zim 24/7 to make sure _it_ didn't happen, but if Zim was promising that he wouldn't hurt himself, well, he'd have to take that chance.    

"Computer," Zim said.  "Dispose of this box."  Dib was not surprised to see a hole suddenly open in the floor to suck the box to its doom.  He wondered how all his hard work would be erased.  By fire?  By laser?  A dimensional portal that would send it to an alternate universe?  The possibilities were endless.

Dib sighed sadly and he stood up and looked out the window.  "Looks like the storm has passed finally.  Hey, Zim, let's go do something."  Zim stood and dusted himself off.

"Something?  Outside?"

"Sure.  It's sunny out and it probably won't rain, so let's go somewhere."  Zim gave him a skeptical look, something around the lines of you're-kidding-me-right?

"Why would I want to go out with you, Dib-monster?"  Dib rolled his eyes…this would be harder than he thought, but Zim continued his insults.  "For one thing, you are not my friend.  I don't need friends, and secondly, it's hot outside and humid from all the rain, so go play with yourself."  Dib just had to laugh at that.  Go play with yourself.  Did Zim even know human sexual innuendo? Probably not and Zim was giving him an evil look.

"What? Don't laugh, I said nothing funny!"

Dib quieted himself and brushed back a tear.  "Okay, sorry.  Come on Zim, let's go, please!  I know you don't have anything better to do and we won't do anything stupid, I promise."  Zim bit his lip.  He _didn't_ have anything better to do and anything would be a distraction from his depression…maybe one day out with the Dib wouldn't hurt his pride.

"Alright," Zim said reluctantly, "nothing stupid though."

"Nothing stupid, I swear."  Dib grinned and he had to think of something fast.  "Okay, let's go see a movie with lots of explosions and stuff!"  Zim groaned and called up a disguise and before he knew it, Dib had grabbed him and they were out the door.

"We have to stop at my house first to get some money, ok?"  Zim was barely listening.  It was so hot out here in the summer sun.  Oh how he hated summer!  Irk was so pleasant year round…a continuous autumn it seemed and everything was golden and warm.  But summer on Earth, ick!  He was already sweating.

"Dib-human how can you stand this heat?"

"Not much, actually.  I hate summer, it's too hot and I burn easily in the sun.  I usually stay inside during the summer, well, when I'm not out doing stuff that is, but when I plan to stay out, I have to wear sunscreen."  Just then, Dib's house was in sight and when he opened the door, the blast of cold from the air conditioner felt like bliss to Zim's skin and he enjoyed it while Dib ran upstairs and came back down.

"Okay, let's go."  Zim was reluctantly pulled from the icy air, so good, and back into the scorching heat.

"How far is it?" Zim asked with a sigh.

"About six blocks."

~~~

Six blocks later at the theater…

"Why hello little girl," the cashier greeted.  "What movie do you want to see?"

"I want one ticket for Boom Doom IV please!"  The sickening sweet little girl stuck out her tongue cutely and the cashier laughed.

"Oh but that's rated R sweetie.  You can't go in without adult supervision."

"But my mommy's right over there and she said I could go in."  The girl pointed to a potted plant nearby and the cashier adjusted her glasses and smiled.

"What a lovely green dress your mother is wearing, okay here's your ticket.  Enjoy the movie!"  The little girl skipped off to the movie.

Dib and Zim were next in line.  "Two tickets for Boom Doom IV."  The cashier handed over the tickets without question and the boys headed to the theater and found some seats near the middle.  Boom Doom IV was one of those huge box office hits that everyone just had to see, but Dib had waited a month to go see it, so the theater wasn't particularly crowded.      

Dib watched Zim explore the room with his eyes, shifting every now and then to the advertisements on the screen.  The room dimmed suddenly and the previews rolled.

"Dib-human," Zim whispered.  Dib watched the screen and he whispered back, "What?"

"What exactly is the point of seeing a movie?"

"Seriously?  To have fun I guess…don't worry about it Zim, just relax."  Zim crossed his arms and leaned back in the seat.  At least the room was cool.  Suddenly, a booming sound was heard.  An explosion.  The movie didn't waste time in blowing things up!  

"Oh no look a madman has blewed up the buildings real bad like, pa!" The actress was horrible and her Southern accent was atrocious; at least she died when the trucks carrying bombs ran over her…and then the trucks blew up for no reason.  Zim found it all humorous and he laughed when anything blew up or someone died.  Anyone else would have been embarrassed by Zim's "inappropriate" behavior, but Dib began to laugh along with him and they were shushed a few times by other people.  

Of course the movie ended with a plethora of explosions and bloody messes and as Dib and Zim exited the theater, that's all Zim could think of.

"Such destruction and bloody goo…I must admit Dib-human, this movie was quite entertaining."

Dib grinned and shielded his eyes from the late afternoon sun.  "I'm glad you liked it, so maybe we could do it again?"  Zim had forgotten the heat, the heat came from within and he felt alive like he never had before…all because of Dib!  Zim knew that he may never understand the human's sudden insistence on friendship, but if he was offering it, just when he needed it the most, then Zim didn't have any objections.  Besides, Dib didn't seem so bad when he wasn't chasing him down and calling him alien!

"Yes," Zim said and smirked, "we _will_ do it again."

~~~

The walk back to Zim's house was comfortably silent at times, but then the silence would be broken with lively discussion about various things like their past battles.  By the time they reached the strange green house, the sun was sinking dangerously low on the horizon, and Zim invited Dib in for a few minutes.

"Wait here, Dib-human," Zim ordered, and he disappeared to the labs but quickly returned with something familiar in his hands.  "Here is your sweater," he said and Dib took it back and smiled.

"I actually forgot about this thing," Dib said.  Zim bit his lip and he said quietly, "I appreciate what you did the other day, Dib…thank you, I guess."

"Oh, you're welcome," Dib replied, then added "so maybe tomorrow we can go out, or you can hang out at my house and see the rest of the stuff I have on you.  That might be neat." 

Zim nodded, "Yes, neat."

"Okay, well, I'll call you Zim, bye," Dib smiled and went out the front door.

"Bye, Dib-human," Zim said quietly after, and he shut the door.  Gir came up from the labs suddenly, singing a happy little song.

"Doo do dee doop doopy doo doo dee do doody doo!  Hi master!" He grinned crazily and hugged Zim's leg affectionately.

"Hello Gir," Zim said in an unusually friendly voice, "let's watch some TV together okay?"

"YAY!" Gir yelled.  They sat on the sofa to watch some show, but Zim just wanted to rest after a long day and he wanted to think about how much he'd enjoyed his day out with the Dib.  Gir cuddled up next to him and Zim relaxed like he never had before.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the delay.  This chapter is the beginning of Dib's "crush" on Zim.  It's very subtle, but the next chapter or so will go deeper. I hope everyone reviews! 

**In the Grey**

Chapter 3

Before Dib knew it, he was a Junior in high school.  And so was Zim.  Their first day of school hadn't even begun yet because Dib made the stupid mistake of persuading Zim to wear something besides his Invader uniform.  They were going to be late if Zim didn't figure out how to zip up his pants!  Finally the alien emerged, albeit uncomfortably, from Dib's bathroom.

"I don't like these pants Dib," Zim said as he tugged at the fabric.  "These _jeans_, as you call them, are too loose!"  Dib smiled and regarded his friend as if he were a fashion designer.

"Well I think you look fine and the shirt really goes."  Zim crossed his arms, which were clothed in a deep blue shirt, long-sleeved of course to hide more of his green skin.  The gloves stayed as usual and his boots were the same.  Zim made it perfectly clear that he would not wear any human footwear, but Zim's boots looked human anyway.

"So come on, let's go," Dib said finally as they went down the front stairs and into the late August morning.  The air was dewy from rain, but Zim and Dib had come up with a type of anti-water pill that Zim had to take daily.  No more water worries!  Most of their summer had been spent on that project, with a few movies here and there, but Dib soon found out, after seeing a movie a day, that more productive things needed to be done.  Zim agreed.  

The lab work had been fun, but Dib discovered more about Zim's personality during that work than he had in the years he had watched him.

Zim could be strangely quiet if left alone, but if something upset him (particularly something he was working on) he would erupt into a childish tantrum.  He brooded over the smallest details that weren't even necessary and glossed over the most important ones.  Dib found that Zim was constantly distracted by the stupidest things and when he was, Dib could literally see the gears working in Zim's brain.  When he wasn't speaking in bizarre cryptic phrases, his speech otherwise, was coherent and strangely intelligent.  There was always something devious and secretive about Zim's personality and Dib knew that he was just now discovering his alien depths. 

But Dib wasn't sure how deep he should dive.  Zim was very evasive about his attempted suicide and avoided the topic like the plague, but even worse, the very mention of his "mission" and what had actually happened, sent Zim reeling in anger.  Dib even came away with an undeserved bruise from Zim's fist one time the subject came up.  After that day, Dib decided to lay off the interrogation and focus more on the person instead…he was more important than details, but Zim couldn't keep up the emotional strain, Dib knew.  He could sense that Zim felt bad all the time, even when he was laughing or making fun of stuff.  Zim wasn't really a bad person, but Dib felt that Zim maybe thought he was. 

**…**

"There is nothing more fun than Calculus!"  Dib's new math teacher beamed with a smile and passed out the thick textbooks for the new semester.  Her name was Miss Lanette…Jill Lanette…not a Ms. or Mrs.  Just a Miss.  She was very, very attractive with her brown hair and liquid green eyes.  All of the hormonal boys were leering at her well developed chest, except for Dib.  He looked at her a moment and recognized her beauty, but--something did not click in his brain--that thing that said "Wow, look at her!  Wouldn't you like to just touch 'em?"  Nope, Dib didn't think that at all.  He thought it was odd for a moment before he became distracted by the day's lesson. 

Zim meanwhile, was stuck in English.  He was so bored and wished that he had never returned to school.  Actually, he wished that he had left the earth, but now that the stupid Dib was his _friend_, he couldn't.  Dib had helped him and as much as Zim hated the human's pity, he was grateful for the company.  Loneliness was never a problem before he found the truth about his mission, but now it held different meanings--pain, sadness, extreme uncontrollable anger…even Dib could not curb these emotions totally, but he had help him see the larger picture.  He was still young after all and maybe one day, he could leave the earth and begin life again, but doing what he didn't know.

The bell jarred him from his thoughts and he scooped his new English book into his arms.  Students crowded the halls and crammed books into their lockers before going to lunch.  Zim looked at a nearby clock.  He hadn't realized it was already lunch time.  Dib was probably waiting somewhere, as they had promised to "eat" together.  Zim walked towards the lunchroom and immediately saw Dib standing at the door.  He waved Zim over and they entered together.

"So," Dib began, "how is your day going so far?"

Zim shrugged, "It would be fine if not for these _horrible_ teachers!  I shouldn't have come back to school."

"You really mean that?" Dib asked as they got their lunch and sat.  Gaz was already there playing her games.  Zim frowned at the noise of the room and the smells--so many disgusting smells.

"Yes I do Dib-human."  Zim looked at the disappointed look on Dib's face as he took a bite of his food.  He didn't want Dib to be sad, but it was the truth.  "I have to choose between my sanity and insanity," Zim added.  "Besides, I'm not leaving the planet just yet."  Gaz made a point to listen to Dib and Zim's conversation, not because it would amuse her (well, some) but because for the first time in Dib's life, he had a friend.  He had annoyed her all summer with talk about Zim this and Zim that and it hit her hard that Dib had found someone.  Dib and Zim went hand-in-hand and it seemed impossible to think of one without thinking about the other.  When Dib had voiced his concerns for Zim, Gaz heard the sincerity of a boy who truly cared about someone.

She didn't know how Zim felt, but the drama Dib brought home made her think about her own life and how lonely she was.  Her games would become insufficient one day…where would her soul mate be then?  That's what Dib and Zim were, soul mates…

_Do they even realize_? Gaz wondered as her company continued their conversation, but they were distracted by something.  There was a rise in noise and then a sudden quiet and then noise again.  Gaz looked around and saw the source of the disturbance.  The new teacher Miss Lanette.  She was so gorgeous that the entire room turned to stare at her as she made her way to the teacher's table.  "Pervs," Gaz said. 

Zim followed the eyes of all the other students and turned to Dib, who wasn't really paying attention. "This female teacher, Dib-human, she is particularly attractive, for a human?"  Dib's eyes flickered to Miss Lanette for a moment and he smiled. 

"Yeah, she's really pretty." Dib stirred his potatoes nervously as he remembered that odd feeling he had earlier.

"Ah," Zim said, still looking at her.  This was truly interesting.  Everyone thought that this one female was attractive enough to cause silence.  A strange phenomenon indeed.  It would have never happened on Irk. 

Dib noticed that Zim was still looking and said amusedly, "Zim, it's not polite to stare.  Why are you so interested in her anyway?"    

"I am not interested in the way you humans would be.  I just think it's funny that you humans are slaves to your hormone thingies.  Irkens are much more superior in that aspect."

Dib laughed, "In what aspect?  Hormones?"

"Yes," Zim said haughtily.  "I am a soldier and was specifically bred to not have such sickening chemicals.  They are a distraction." 

No hormones?  No _sexual_ hormones?  Why did that disturb Dib?  He mulled it over just as the bell rang.  Zim yawned and stretched.  He lightly slapped Dib's arm suddenly.

Zim said quietly, "You had an insect on you Dib-human."  Dib's lips quivered into a self-conscious smile as they left the room, side-by-side.

**…**


	4. Chapter 4

In the Grey

Chapter 4

Zim yawned and closed his books. Gir had been sleeping on the floor for hours now and the TV was showing late night infomercials about useless kitchen utensils. 3 a.m. was not the latest Zim had stayed awake. His sleep cycles demanded only a few hours a sleep every two or three days and when he was still on his "mission," sometimes there was no sleep. Dib never knew the difference and Zim had hidden fatigue very well, but he had gotten so lazy it seemed and there was no use for late night lab work or such and such.

The only reason he had stayed up was to study for the mid-term in English tomorrow, well, today actually. Dib had only left his house at midnight after a long "study" session. Dib helped Zim with his English and Zim helped Dib with Calculus, but only after they watched a movie, played video games with Gir, and did some fun work in the lab. They only studied for an hour--at most.

Zim turned off the TV and there was darkness, save for the orange glow of street lights coming through the windows. He glanced at Gir balled up like a baby on the floor. It was cute, but Zim didn't smile--he was too tired. The elevator in the kitchen took him to a rather small room deep in the lab. It was warm and comfortable here with a small bed draped in pure white linen. Zim wouldn't have his sheets any other way because they were so clean looking. Except for the bed and a nightstand built into the wall made of the same materials as the rest of the lab, the room was empty and devoid of personality.

Irkens, soldiers actually, didn't personalize their things, mostly because nothing was really theirs. They trained for years and moved from facility to facility, never developing a sense of house or home, only base and fortress. Zim was just fine with that. It's all he knew, but he couldn't deny himself the longing and despairing homesickness for his people.

If he had taken earth (and if he had been a real Invader), he would have gone back to Irk, on to other assignments…always moving. He would mingle with various shades of green skin and red eyes. No color was the same and even the rares, the purple eyed and the blue and the emerald irises were comforting to Zim. He could look in the mirror and see his own visage. He wasn't particularly ordinary or particularly outstanding, yet, he had never thought of such things.

Zim sat on his little bed, the pillow was so inviting. His bare feet barely reached the floor and he began to think of unreachable things, like how his toes would never reach the floor.

But his thoughts drifted to Dib at last.

…

_Tonight in the lab..._

Zim stuck his tongue out in concentration as he attached the last bolt to his Voot Cruiser. He had to hold his hand up high to do so and his sleeve fell back over his wrist and over part of his arm. The Invader uniform had been gone for so long and it became second nature for Zim to have his hands bare when he wasn't out. As always, Dib was nearby holding a tool and, as always, his eyes immediately went to the spot he had wondered so much about...

"What are you looking at Dib?" Zim said angrily as he tugged the sleeve down. He snatched the tool from Dib's hand and lowered his eyes.

Dib only smiled at the mild reprimand, "You know I was just looking Zim, there's nothing wrong with that."

"I know that, just don't look at me," Zim replied as he finished tightening the bolt.

"I can't help it Zim."

"Yeah, how can I not notice, you've been looking at me a lot you big-headed weirdo."

"Hey!" Dib laughed, but he swallowed nervously as he did. "So, I mean," Dib walked a little closer to Zim, "does it make you uncomfortable that I look at you?"

"I don't know, why should I care?" Zim casually threw the now useless tool into a small box with various other things in it. He looked at Dib, who was looking at him with a soft expression in his honey brown eyes. "_Why _do you look at me, and like that...with that face?"

Dib caught his own expression and said rather rapidly and carelessly, "I can't help it because you're my friend, and I like to look at you, I mean, not to look at you in any way that _wouldn't _be considered friendly, but looking at you _like _you're my friend...because you are my friend." Dib wrung his hands together and offered his twisted hands to Zim, as if his true words were contained between his entwined fingers. "That didn't come out right," he said finally.

"Yes, it didn't make any sense, Dib-human. If you want to say something just say it. Come on, we really need to study, a little at least." Zim walked to the elevator to the kitchen, Dib tagging along. The house was dark and Gir was sitting on the floor watching seemingly endless hours of the Scary Monkey Show.

School books were heaped on the sofa by two careless boys who only cared for working on Voot Crusiers and playing video games. Dib said hello to Gir (again) and the robot said hello too, but resumed watching TV.

Gir was completely ignorant, or innocent, of Dib and Zim. They opened their books and tried to study. The conversation in the lab weighed heavy on Dib's mind. He had tried to get rid of those annoying thoughts about Zim, but simply thinking about getting rid of them made him think more and more and more.

Some months had passed as Dib thought of his sexual orientation, then Gaz asked the question.

"Are you gay, Dib?" she had asked seriously. "I've been watching you and Zim and you've been acting weird...weirder than usual when it comes to him…"

And now Zim was noticing the passing and stolen looks. _Why do you look at me like that Dib_?

No, I'm not gay. I just don't like the girls I see, or the boys. Look _at Zim, absorbed in his book_.

"Zim?" Dib asked. Zim looked up from his English. "If...If I told you something, something important, you wouldn't tell anyone would you? Or, if I said something kinda stupid, you wouldn't laugh?"

"It depends, Dib-human," Zim sighed. "What is it then?" He seemed uninterested and tried read again.

"It's about you and me, mostly you really, and why I've been seeing you and looking at you differently." That caught Zim's attention and he gave Dib a silent cue to go on. "I've been giving you, eh, those weird looks because I like you, more than a friend, I think. Um, I'm really confused now and it's probably just a phase and probably because you're the only friend I've ever had and maybe it's having some kind of freaky psychological effect on my brain," Dib rambled a little more, "Or maybe it's because I'm thinking about it too much and thinking about it too much has made me think of it more and it's warped my brain…or something. Did you get any of that?" Dib bit his lip and Zim stared at him dully. The alien quickly processed the information.

"I understand," Zim grinned and then said accusingly with a heavy laugh, "you have a CRUSH on me!"

"NO! No, no that's not what I said--"

"Yes it is Dib! You like me more than a friend. Ha! Just because I'm not human you think I don't know your subtle hints. Now study and be quiet." Zim fanned out his book and buried his non-nose in the flowing words.

"Zim this is important. Ok, so I have a tiny crush on you, doesn't really mean anything..." Dib's voice was small because he wasn't confident in his words. "I know it doesn't mean anything to you, Zim, but I wish you would listen, please." Once more, Zim was pulled from his study by Dib's pleading. "I look at you Zim and I see my best friend and I worry about you a lot and what you're feeling, but I know you won't tell me anything. When I started worrying about you and if you might try suicide again, I started to really care about you Zim, but then I thought about you all the time, not just you, but all of you." Dib gestured his hands to indicate just that.

"You thought of my body?" Zim asked dully.

"Yeah." Dib swallowed. "What do you think?" he added.

"I don't know," Zim answered.

"Yeah," Dib assented and sighed. "I know…but I just wanted to know for sure if what I'm feeling isn't just a phase or something."

"Phase? Well how do you rid yourself of this phase thing?" Zim asked. "Are there experiments required?" Dib felt that he was blushing at Zim's innocent prodding.

"You _can_ experiment, but I don't think you would want me to."

"If you need to use the lab Dib-human then just---"

"No, Zim, it's not something you do in a lab. It's something that's done between two people."

"Oh," Zim's eyes seemed suddenly alive and he smiled, "Hey! I'm a people!" Dib laughed and tried to avert his stare to his boring English book, but he was pulled back into the alien's gaze by pure impulse.

"I don't think so, Zim." Dib said with finality.

"Well what is this experiment you want to do Dib-human. I'm intrigued."

"I can't say—"

"Why!" Zim whined. His pouting lip called out to Dib. _Touch me_…Dib obeyed and closed his book. He moved closer to Zim and put his hand on his. Zim quietly observed and allowed Dib's innocent caress. His human skin was cool against his own and the touch sent a shiver up his alien spine when Dib moved his hand to his neck, changing its position so that he was looking directly into Dib's amber irises.

"What are you—" Dib hushed Zim's doubting question by catching the alien's parted mouth in his own. He instantly felt the heat and sweetness on his tongue and he assaulted the interior of Zim's mouth with his tongue, digging deep and sucking hard. Dib pulled Zim to him tightly in one climactic rhythm of pulsating lips and tongues. Dib was dizzy when he pulled away and Zim was stunned. His lips were sore and Dib had bitten the bottom lip as he released him, yet, he wasn't angry at the human's violent violation, only perplexed.

Dib licked his lips once before his brain was invaded with excuses and apologies for his action.

"Zim, I'm…I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have kissed you like that," Dib stood and gathered his books, "I need to go."

"But Dib-human—"

"I'm sorry Zim." Dib was standing at the front door. Zim met him and blocked his path.

"Why did you kiss me? I thought humans only kissed when they liked each other…sexually," he added with slight disgust.

Dib confessed quietly, "I do like you, that way…I think. I wanted to experiment, to make sure, so I kissed you, Zim.

"That was your experiment!" Zim exclaimed. "I don't see why you're so awkward suddenly Dib-human. I said I was interested in what it was." He crossed his arms and looked away. "I'm not mad if that's what you're thinking, but I don't feel the same way Dib."

"I don't expect you to, Zim."


	5. Chapter 5

I apologize to anyone who's tried to review and couldn't…I didn't know the damn thing was set on signed reviews only. This chapter is a flat out continuation of chapter 4. Expect sex soon…

In the Grey

Chapter 5

…

_Of course I don't expect Zim to feel the same way! Ugh, what was I thinking saying that? It sounded so…condescending or something…I'm sure Zim…No…God, I'm so stupid. I know he doesn't feel anything physically. Yeah, that's just like me to do something so fucking impulsive like that. Zim'll probably think about it and then decide…but he didn't seem to mind, even more than I thought he would._

_Maybe I thought he'd slap me or something._

Dib stopped walking about halfway home and chanced a look behind him. He couldn't see Zim's house anymore, but he was still there mentally, still sitting on Zim's excessively comfortable sofa. A sudden _unpleasant_ flavor arose in his mouth with a gush of saliva. It wasn't the taste of Zim's mouth, which he couldn't even remember at this point, but it was the taste of regret that preceded pure, sick guilt.

_I shouldn't have done that to Zim. He probably has too many things on his mind, besides me doing strange human stuff to him…heh…I never know what he's thinking. Okay, I have to get over this. _Dib started walking again when he swallowed a mouthful of his own remorse. _I can't do that to Zim again. Never, never, never! Just forget about it for awhile and it'll just go away like a bad memory. Think of him as a stupid sexless alien who tried to kill himself!_

That thought didn't help. It just brought up a sad memory of Zim sobbing in his house. He would always remember that day as pivotal. It was the day Zim stopped being his enemy, but it was also the day Zim became too omnipresent in Dib's mind. From that first movie together and from the first, fateful kiss, Dib knew he had changed everything between them, if only from his point of view. Zim would never tell Dib what he wanted to hear, and if he said anything at all, it was always some skewed version of the accurate thought in his alien brain. That's how stupid Zim was sometimes!

Dib _wanted_ Zim to confront him about what had just happened, but he knew he wouldn't, and in the days to come, Zim would probably forget the kiss as simply another incident in his day-to-day earth experience, while Dib would be left to wallow in the aftermath.

_I don't want to do that though!_ Dib thought as he entered his home. _I want to forget like Zim would forget, but I know I won't be able to…he's my first friend and my first…love? No, I don't love him, he's just a crush type thing, maybe not even that. OH GOD, he thinks I like him sexually…maybe I do? I said I did, sort of. Do I? I'm so awkward now I can't tell._

Dib was so miserable with his thoughts that by the time he reached his room, he was mentally exhausted and quickly fell on his bed into a deep sleep.

Hopefully he would dream of the less threatening Calculus mid-term he had to face tomorrow.

…

_Back at Zim's house…Zim was thinking as well…_

He didn't think highly of Dib's feelings concerning this unusual twist; he'd never imagined that Dib would have a "crush" on him. He had seen it happen at school. Girls were statistically the highest casualty of the "crush," and they swooned and sighed a lot over their victim. Boys were a little more awkward in their situation, and they often made fools of themselves by saying something stupid in front of the girl. She would either get mad or giggle at his antics.

It really confused Zim. And now, Dib had been infected with the crush disease.

But Dib was a male, and Zim was a male, though not physically complete, but still possessing the genes to be a whole male. Those genes were simply repressed through engineering to ensure that the population was controlled by the Control Brains. It was a flawless system.

Zim brooded over the topic as he finally nestled into his little bed and pulled the white sheets up to his chin. He lay on his side, staring at the dimly lit wall across from, all the time thinking about Dib.

_Okay_, he thought, _Dib has a crush on me, but he likes me sexually…and he's a boy, _he thought further with a grimace. _But, he knows I can't feel those things, so what is he thinking? Okay, so, it's just a crush that will hopefully pass. _Zim sighed and closed his eyes.

_I can't believe the Dib! _Zim's eyes shot open in anger. _How dare he kiss me when he knows I disapprove of such nonsense…but…he is a human, and humans can't control their incessant chemicals. Perhaps I can devise a cure for his ailment, or maybe it needs to be fed, like a fever, or is that a cold? Feed a fever, starve…no, Starve a fever, feed a cold, uh…_

_**Stupid earth words!** Well, it's a thought anyway. The Dib needs to get this out of his system and maybe him kissing me is the first step. Or maybe it made it worse?_

_Well, even though the Dib is a boy, at least it's him and not some girl. _Zim suddenly thought of all the buxomly females and their giggles and painted faces. Ick! Actually, as Zim thought of it, comparing Dib to girls, it was nice to know that Dib cared for him so deeply. It made him feel more wanted than he had been in a long time, but he now found himself in a sticky situation with his so-called friend who suddenly wanted to change their relationship from friends to more-than-friends. Zim liked his friend. Dib had kept him sane since he had tried to kill himself, and even though it seemed to happen so long ago, the scars on his arm were a fresh reminder. He didn't even have the strength to look at himself sometimes; Dib did that for him, apparently.

Zim suddenly imagined Dib kissing him, sans the emotion, however. The kiss hadn't harmed him and he felt neutral towards the sensation of Dib's tongue in his mouth and his saliva glazing his lips. He had felt more strongly about Dib touching his hand than the more intimate kiss.

_What if Dib wants to kiss me again?_ Zim thought as he began to fall asleep. Reality and dreams were already beginning to mingle and they interrupted the answer to his own question.

…

"How did your English test go Zim?" Dib asked the next day. He was surprised how distracting a horrible calculus test could be for a boy who has a crush on an alien.

"Wonderful," Zim scoffed, "and your calculus?"

"I don't think I studied enough." Dib took his lunch tray and sat next to Zim, who opted to drink an Irken drink similar to human Poop cola. Dib momentarily watched as Zim sipped the first drops of the liquid; he then began to eat. Simply being in Zim's presence was comforting. He hadn't thought of him other than a friend all day because he had been distracted by the calculus test. Now he could sit here and absorb Zim's presence on a platonic level.

Dib wondered how long this platonic feeling would last anyway.

_God! Sitting here thinking about _**not**_ thinking about Zim that way is making me think about it!!!_

"What's wrong with you?" Gaz sneered from her GameSlave across the table. Both Dib and Zim snapped their heads inquisitively at the girl, and their silence indicated that neither of them knew whom she was referring to. Gaz rolled her eyes.

"You, Dib. You've been weird all day."

"No I haven't," Dib replied defensively.

"Whatever," Gaz said, finishing the short dialogue.

"_You_," Zim said with emphasis, "are very unpleasant, _Gaz_."

"Yeah and you're wonderful too, _Zim_," she quipped. Zim turned to Dib and motioned him away from the lunchroom. Dib was done eating his meager helping and followed Zim out of the room. The hall was crowded with some other students who didn't find lunch particularly appealing, and both of the boys appreciated the fact that they had the option of going outside during lunch. They found themselves on a bench under a tree.

Zim didn't say anything for a moment. He seemed distracted by a loose thread on his shirt, a favorite white one actually, and he tugged on it before it gave way.

"It's nice today," Dib said with a smile. Zim grunted his response.

"So, is there any reason you wanted to come out here, Zim?"

"I didn't want to sit with your sister. She irritates me."

"Oh. Yeah, me too." Dib gave an assenting laugh. "She's my sister, so I guess she's supposed to; she sure does a great job too." Dib sighed and allowed himself to look at Zim. He didn't look too bad today, especially in his white shirt. It made his green skin look especially healthy and among the low branches heavy with leaves, he seemed to be the greenest thing ever to have lived. Zim turned to him suddenly, and slouched in the bench with a very lazy look in his disguised eyes.

"I want to leave Dib-human."

"You want to skip today?"

"No, I want to leave earth and never come back. Maybe I'll leave tomorrow," he said idly.

"You don't sound very excited about it."

"Eh."

"Can I come with you?" Dib grinned and Zim's face was unexpectedly severe.

"If you do, you have to promise not to whine or be homesick, because I'm never coming back. You'll have to find your own way back if you choose."

"I promise Zim…are you being serious?"

"I don't know. It just sounded like a good idea. Let's skip then." Dib looked around for any teachers, and when the coast was clear, the two boys casually walked off the school grounds.

"I'm glad it's Friday, but I forgot my bag," Dib said on the walk home. "At least my laptop wasn't in there. Wow, that was impulsive."

"Yes, yes impulsive. Now Dib-human," Dib didn't like Zim's suddenly strict tone, "regarding last night's incident…" Dib felt the first stirrings of nausea in his gut. "…I have thought it over and I have a proposition to you. You see, I have observed this crush disease your species is so fond of, and I have seen the distress it causes you. Are you distressed by it?"

Weakly, Dib said yes. _What are you going to say, Zim?_

"Good, but your misery does not please Zim. I will help you rid yourself of this crush Dib…if you will allow me." Dib stopped in his tracks, his feet weren't willing to move.

Zim faced his friend. "Come to my base and I will remove your feeling thingies," Zim wiggled his fingers to indicate thingies and they were oddly pointed at Dib's crotch.

"No! Zim you can't cut off my…stuff!" Dib hissed and said, "Are you crazy!"

"What? Ew, no, not your fleshy tentacle. That's not what I'm talking about. I meant the glands that produce your feelings. They are a hindrance to your everyday functions Dib-human, and I will be happy to remove them if you wish." Zim crossed his arms behind his back and awaited an answer to his wonderful proposition. Of course the Dib would logically say…

"I like my feelings Zim. I don't want them to go away." Zim's face fell.

"But, you would function so much better, they—"

"Zim," Dib put a reassuring hand on Zim's shoulder. "My feelings are not bad." He took his hand away and began walking. "You don't understand Zim. Feeling what I feel is a good thing, and I know for you it looks distracting, and well, it is sometimes, but it's just _so _good, Zim. These kinds of feelings make people happy and it makes them complete. For me, I feel wanted and not alone."

"I see," Zim replied softly. "Then you would rather deal with these emotions?"

"Yeah, I would. The ones I have for you will go away eventually."

"But you said they make you feel good. You don't want them to go away, do you?"

"I don't know. Ask me tomorrow." Dib pulled the hidden key under the rock next to his doorstep. Zim watched him open the door, and he waited to be invited, but the invitation did not come.

"I know you mean well Zim," Dib said blocking the door, "but if I reversed the situation, you'd feel the same way. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Alright Dib-human…you stubborn pig smelly." Zim grunted and sulked off, disappointed that the Dib refused his generous offer. Zim heard Dib shut the door.

_Likes his feelings? I'll show him liking feelings…stupid human. What does he mean reversing the situation, anyway? Let's see, I offered to remove his sexual emotions, so if he offered to give them to me, I'd say no…yep, that sounds about right. I'd say no._

Zim said gravely with a knowing sigh, "Dib-human, you're just going to make yourself unhappy."

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Merry Christmas** ya'll…from the cozy south! Well, it's not too cozy because it gets cold down here too, but I don't expect a white Christmas . This chapter is my gift to you guys. There might be a little lime down the way…but nothing bad…that's for the next chapter perhaps??? I'm not evil, seriously. Anyway, I tried my hardest not to make everyone ooc in this one, and I hope you find it acceptable. But let's face it, Zim is insane and can turn ooc at any given moment!!!

One final warning, this chapter is **rated R** you silly gooses!

…

In the Grey

Chapter 6

…

_Zim begins a journal— in which he makes one entry and loses interest in the whole idea._

**Log 01 **

_November 30, 2005: _

For several months I have not thought of my…_failure_ as an Invader. I suppose I was exiled for some reason, what it is I still haven't figured out. Perhaps I have been too zealous in my attempts to please the Tallests, and blowing up the other Invaders in Operation Impending Doom I didn't make me look too good. Still, I have the hope that one day I will return to Irk.

I think I will wait until the Dib dies before I leave. That way, he won't be sad. He seems to have become oddly attached to me in the time since my thankfully thwarted suicide. It has been approximately seven months since then. The horrible Christmas holiday thing is approaching.

I suppose a gift for Dib is in order. Perhaps a multi-function fusion core?

On another note, Dib has not ended the "crush" but instead seems to have become more infatuated with me for some reason. My plan to rid him of his horrible emotions still does not appeal to the Dib, no matter how many times I suggest or rationalize the positive effects of the operation.

Dib is not pleased with me. He is particularly unhappy, as I thought he would be.

Perhaps I should change my tactics so that the human will not think I'm trying to mutilate him. Instead of changing his emotions, I think I will try to purge them from his system naturally. I have little knowledge of "the sex," besides the physical part, and I have experienced some of that first hand with Dib's kiss. Otherwise it is supposed to involve many emotions that the Dib possesses.

Tomorrow I will begin research on the subject.

Gir making pigs out of sausage, and trying to resurrect their AWESOME pigginess by frying them.

Smell is intolerable.

**End log 01**

…

Zim tried to drink coffee once, and it failed miserably. He hated the taste with a wrathful vengeance, but the smell was oddly pleasing. Dib drank it sometimes and Zim would find a cup in front of him, like he did now. Dib knew he would only let it sit there and get cold. The steam would evaporate into nothingness, but in its wake Zim savored the aroma.

Dib watched him sniff through his "nose." After being with Zim for awhile, he had learned much about Irken physiology, one thing being how the aliens smelled. Dib wasn't too surprised to learn that the skin between their eyes was actually a permeable membrane that sensed odors and functioned more importantly for respiration. The skin didn't look any different from the rest of Zim, but when he sniffed, his skin crinkled at his brow as if he was constantly questioning every earthly smell.

"This coffee smells different Dib," Zim said at Dib's kitchen table.

"It's some kind of chocolate brew. Kinda good actually." Dib took a small sip of the still hot stuff. Zim judged the cup in front of him and decided that this new brew might be different from the others, so experimentally he took a sip only to cringe like he'd sucked on a very sour lemon. Dib laughed and almost choked on his drink.

"I was curious," Zim said defensively.

"I didn't say anything," Dib replied, smiling. Zim sneered and looked at the clock.

"We should leave soon if we want to see that movie," Zim said. Dib nodded at the time and tried to finish off his coffee. They slipped on their heaviest coats and trudged into the hateful winter air. The sky was a rigid grey that refused to turn blue, even on the warmest day. Something about today's sky signaled snow, but Dib and Zim huddled in their coats and made it to a bus stop that would get them to the city faster. Dib reminded Zim that there weren't any horror or war flicks out this week, so he would have to settle for something less intense.

Zim remembered the first time he and Dib had been to the movies. He remembered it fondly.

The bus was warm and the boys who sat to each other, one green and one nearly as pale as the grey sky, warmed each other even more with the proximity of their bodies. Dib felt it more than Zim did, as always.

Zim looked out the window and the fleeting buildings and people. He remained silent, numbed by the cold. He hated winter and he hated this season of fanatical merriment because he didn't understand it and didn't want to. The alien would rather ride out the festivities with his friend in private. The Dib, as Zim noted, didn't seem to like the Christmas holiday either, but he was still happy in a way only Dib could be.

"Hey," Dib said, "we're here." Dib shook Zim's arm to stir him from the window. Zim hadn't realized that the bus had even stopped. They stepped off with several people onto a busy street.

There were dancing lights wrapped around light poles and piney wreaths decked with red ribbons everywhere. Banners hung from tall buildings with festive scenes and promotions for last minute shoppers assaulted the walkers and lured them into half-off discounts and buy-one-get-one-free deals. Zim and Dib ignored these and made a beeline for the theatre a block away. They were jostled by people in fur coats and fuzzy hats and cozy scarves and mittens. They occasionally heard the jingle of bells from charity collectors; most were dressed like Santa, a deity both boys found extremely suspect.

The theatre was pleasant and the movie was decent for a Saturday with nothing else to do.

If the weather were better, Zim would have suggested a walk through the park, but the cold weather forced them into warmer retreats. Zim grinned to himself involuntarily on the bus home. The cold required one to be warm, and what better way to get warm than to cuddle up to one's lover.

Dib would surely take such an unselfish offer. Zim believed it would be a good starting point to having sex with the human. Yes, cuddling. He had done much research on "the sex" and found that seeing the movies was an activity couples did on dates. Dates led to romantic situations like cuddling and those situations sometimes turned into "making love." Zim had a hard time with the terminology and how it applied to him and Dib. "Sex" was more aloof and "making love" was a little too emotional, but since Dib seemed to have more of an emotional attachment, Zim finally decided that "making love" would suffice.

The movies had always been a recreation Zim enjoyed, but he never thought it would lead to this. He would take Dib to a movie, and then take him back to his house for a gift exchange in the proper Christmas tradition, and then he would seduce him like no human has ever been seduced!

Zim had to remind Dib, however, that they were going to _his_ house.

"I have…something planned Dib-human," Zim said wickedly.

"Oh, yeah. This something wouldn't have to do with Santa would it?"

"Of course not! Don't be stupid, Dib." The bus stopped finally and they got off at a lonely stop near Zim's house. The sky caved in closer as the day began to slip into dusk. Already the sky was dim, and Dib said prophetically, "I might have to stay over tonight, if the weather gets too bad."

Zim nodded and led Dib to his sexual doom.

"God, it's so warm in here, Zim," Dib remarked immediately, sighing with relief. He cast off his heavy jacket and gloves on Zim's sofa. Zim lowered his brows and hid very well a smirk. Dib sat and was soon joined by Zim, who had also thrown off his winter accessories. His green cheeks were a shade darker from the cold air and his lips were deliciously wet after he raked the tip of his tongue across it to stave off chapped lips.

"Don't do that," Dib said.

"Huh?"

Dib dug in his coat pocket and pulled out a little tube of balm. He used the soft, sweet smelling stick on his own lips and handed it to Zim, who eyed it cautiously, as he did all things, but Dib's charismatic smile wore his resolve and he used the product, much to his relief.

It was YUMMY! And it would help his lips in the kissing to come…

"So, what is this big thing you have planned?" Dib asked, sticking balm back in his coat.

"Ah, yes," Zim said absently. He didn't want to alert Dib just yet. "The holiday approaches, _unfortunately_, so I have followed the earthling tradition of gift giving." Dib sat up straight. Oh, gift can get anyone's attention. "Close your eyes," Zim ordered. Dib, not the least bit suspicious, closed his eyes at Zim's request. He heard a ruffling, and then felt Zim move beside him. What happened next caught him completely by surprise.

Zim kissed him. Of course Dib's eyes flew open immediately and the first thing he saw was Zim's wicked grin. Unable to react in time, Dib was pinned to the couch as Zim straddled his hips, and began nipping at his throat with well placed, balm coated lips. Dib was able to push him away, breathless, to question the crazy alien's new behavior.

"What," Dib said with a gasp, "are you doing?"

"Giving you your merry gift of Christmas joy," Zim replied very nonchalantly. "Now be quiet and enjoy it, Dib!"

"You can't do this?"

"Come on Dib-human. You'll like it…I guarantee positive results." Zim ground his hips into Dib's to emphasize his point. He felt the human's reproductive organ grow almost instantly. The human was primed for sex!

"Let me do this for you, Dib," Zim cooed. "I know you've wanted this and it will make you feel so…much…better…" Zim leaned forward and began suckling Dib's ear, and between words and kisses, he pleaded with Dib to relent to his body's natural desires. Dib, irrationally, was actually listening to Zim's appeal…well, more like his body was listening to every kiss and sweet caress the alien supplied.

"This is wrong—"

"Nothing's wrong, Dib," Zim finished with a quick kiss to Dib's lips. He pulled Dib off the couch and led him to his most private bedroom. Dib was in a daze and was barely thinking with each step towards the crisp white sheets. He felt an intense violation being in Zim's bedroom and when Zim ordered him to sit, he only did so because his knees were weak with violent nervousness at the situation. He could hear his blood pounding in his temples and he felt another painful throb between his legs begging to be released.

Zim removed his own clothes in an instant. There was nothing particularly ceremonious about his movements. Each touch was carefully researched to guarantee the outcome.

Zim was going to fuck the crush out of Dib.

Dib gazed at Zim's naked body. He focused between his legs, where an absent spot satisfied all his curiosities about Zim's Irken body. Dib didn't care that he'd seen pictures of Irken anatomy, courtesy of Zim himself, but nothing compared to the real flesh and blood creature standing in front of him, offering every piece of that green soft skin. Zim came forward and stood above Dib, gently caressing his hair while another hand worked at Dib's pants to free his aching erection.

Dib gasped when Zim forced him to lie on his back, and then, when his pants were finally off and Zim began touching his swollen member harder, Dib grabbed Zim's arm.

"Stop." He said simply. Zim frowned. His plan was going so well.

"Your…your arm. I've never seen _all_ of it." Zim looked at the right arm in Dib's grasp. Indeed, the human had never seen his entire arm, and he had never seen how far the scars ran. Zim had been so lost in his plan that he had forgotten the humiliation of those scars and for a moment, he had felt free in Dib's eyes. Now he was being judged again, but he didn't know what to say. Dib looked at the twisting vine-like aberrations that marred Zim's perfect skin.

He brought the hand to his lips and kissed the scars, as if he could kiss them away. Zim gave a pitiful whimper, but Dib pulled Zim down to his body, closer to his chest, and continued up the arm until he was biting into Zim's neck like a ruined vampire searching for blood in an empty vessel. Dib slowed his kisses and felt for Zim's face, looking for red irises. Zim faced him.

Dib searched Zim's unfocused eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked, referring to Zim's unbidden cry.

"I…I didn't expect that," he whispered.

"What?" Dib asked back, in an even fainter whisper.

"That you would touch me like that."

"Your scars?"

Zim nodded.

"I wanted to. Maybe we should stop—"

"No," Zim hissed. "I think I need this as much as you do."

"But you don't feel anything."

"I _do_ feel."

"You know what I mean."

"For me…" Zim hesitated to find the words, "…for me, it will be something different." Dib narrowed his eyes. Did Zim mean that he would do this for reasons other that physical satisfaction?

"I wanted to do this, Dib-human, to make you forget the crush."

"Oh." Dib grinned. "It's making it worse, you know?" Zim sat up over Dib's still hard cock, and Dib tried to ignore the sensations Zim's bare rear was having on his body.

"That's not what I planned," Zim said smartly. "I _have_ researched the sex, Dib. You're telling me that I'm wrong."

"You're wrong." Zim pouted, but his face relaxed when Dib stroked his thigh.

"Can we keep going?" Dib pleaded. "I want to know how it will feel…with you. I want you to know how it will feel. Do you?"

Zim smirked reluctantly. "I am a little curious," he admitted.

"Well, let's find out how curious you are."

* * *

tbc...in a _major _way! 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: What was I doing even saying that chapter 6 was rated R?!? This chapter is **RATED R**, in a **MAJOR** way...turn back now if you don't think you can handle the yummy goodness, which as it turns out, is a whole chapter long!

_In the Grey_

Chapter 7

All they did at first was kiss. Dib was still on his back with his pants around his ankles and Zim, being the dominant creature that he is, remained on top and was the aggressor of most of the kisses. Dib couldn't really reach up and capture Zim because the alien kept him squashed to the soft bed. Every push made Dib reel in pleasure, as his exposed erection was deliciously lodged against Zim's sexless crotch.

For a moment, Dib wondered how this was supposed to happen. He stupidly asked Zim, who replied very haughtily that if he, Zim, were physically all male, then how did he think this sexual act was going to reach "fruition," as Zim said. It dawned on Dib that the only way would be...anal.

What else was he expecting? A magical alien vagina? Nope, just some good old anal sex! Dib swallowed hard at the thought.

_Oh god, I'm going to go...in there? I don't know...but I'm about to burst here!_

Zim, for his part, was being very blasé about the whole situation, which surprised Dib greatly because they both had almost reached some kind of life altering epiphany. Maybe Zim had come to some wonderful conclusion that this would be good for him, despite the lack of horniness. Dib secretly eyed Zim's very scarred arm again.

_I think_, Dib thought, _maybe he needs to feel loved or wanted. Zim knows what love is, right? Yeah, I'm sure he does...I think. I need to pay attention more. Oh god he thinks this is going to stop my crush. It won't...definitely not...but I warned him. Maybe he thought I was being sarcastic or kidding or something_.

_He wasn't paying attention_, Dib concluded.

Dib sighed and looked up at Zim, who was now sitting up between his legs. He looked at him with dull red eyes, almost as if his consciousness had wandered away and far from this act that was considered deplorable, despicable, and just plain disgusting by Irkens. That's how Dib understood things to be with their wonderfully green people.

It was sad.

Zim would never know.

This is as close Zim would ever be to a person, ever.

Physically or mentally, no one could ever really know Zim. It made Dib sad to see him so clearly through his glasses, while his brain was blurry to Zim's deepest thoughts.

Zim, on his part, had no such thought but the task at hand. While Dib was brooding the complexities of their relationship, he focused his mind and recalled all his research. He had to first push aside his sentimentalities, his fears, and his anger to do this. The Dib would never understand everything, but he did accept him for who he was and when he had reached up and kissed his scars, he had stolen them permanently from his mind. They would always be there in body, but their physical presence would never remind him of his failures and his anger. Now they were simply scars.

He had moved on, and now he would help the stubborn human move on from his obsession.

Without warning, Zim leaned in and took Dib's swollen organ in his mouth. _Damn the foreplay and cuddling_! Dib gasped, completely surprised that Zim was going this far to pleasure him. The oral stimulation did not last long, and Dib lamented the warmth that was taken away. Zim's hot saliva was quickly turning cold in the open air. Naked and feeling rather cool himself, Zim reached his hands under Dib's shirt and felt of his warm skin. His red eyes looked at his soon to be lover's erection and he inadvertently smirked.

"You humans..." he began condescendingly, "are so hairy." Zim's haughty speech then became amused. "But it does tickle." He tested the boy's pubic hair by grabbing it roughly between his Irken fingers.

"Ow! Careful, Zim!" Dib warned. Zim grinned wickedly as he reached behind his back to pull something from his pak. It was a vial of something clear. Dib leaned up to see what it was as Zim opened the lid. Again, there was no warning to Zim's next move. He tossed the lid aside and poured the entire content of the clear liquid onto Dib's penis. It trickled down him and onto his sensitive balls.

"Cold!" Dib yelped. "Christ Zim, what is that?" Zim absently looked at the tube before throwing it to the floor.

"Lubricant," he replied simply.

"Why is it so cold?" Dib shivered involuntarily.

"Because." Unsatisfied with that simple answer, Dib made to move a hand to his frozen shaft, but Zim swatted it away, feeling very in-control and obsessive about the situation.

He did have a carefully calculated plan.

"No...no touching," Zim barked. "I do the touching."

He added almost sweetly, "Just relax, Dib."

Zim crawled back on top of Dib, who actually wanted Zim to finish what he had suddenly started with his mouth, but the alien was apparently a tease, or just wanted to experiment with different sexual stimulations. Now, though, Dib was preparing to receive the culmination of release. Zim leaned into him, against his soft shirt, and kissed his mouth tenderly. The deepness of Dib's mouth was nothing to his long tongue, which in one lap swirled around the whole cavern. They exchanged sweet saliva as Zim positioned himself at the apex of his arousal, preparing to thrust the hardness into himself. He felt the icy lube between the puckered spot that would be Dib's undoing. The human had no idea how draining this would be to his physically inferior reproductive system. Zim would suck his desire dry and it would never be a problem ever again.

He was confident, no, assured that this would work, and only then would Dib be unhindered by these emotions that were as alien to him as he was an alien to Dib.

Slowly Zim guided Dib into him. Dib gasped at the sudden tightness contracting around him, and his eyes quickly went to Zim's, who was trying very hard not to gasp because of the intrusion and the burning pain that came with it. Dib became heady though and unconcerned with Zim's body. It was incredibly hot inside Zim's tiny ass, a fact that Zim himself felt due to the cold lube, which was currently soothing the sting in his rear.

Zim held Dib's shoulders, crushing the flesh with his strong fingers, and began to rock back and forth, pulling the still hard cock out one second only to have it thrust back in the next. The lube was doing its job very well and with a few hard and careless thrusts, Zim's pain melted away enough for him to experience the sensation. Dib's large member was stuffed deep inside him. He felt his own muscles contracting violently around it.

It was a sensation that was neither good nor bad.

It was simply there, tinged with tickling sort of pain.

Dib, on the other hand, was in rapture. The heat, the tightness, the fluids...it was incredible! His fingers gripped the sheets below him, but he felt compelled to touch Zim. God he was so green, and he was sweating. A drop trickled down his face. But it wasn't hot in the room...no, he was hot, his body was hot. Dib realized he was wet too, in more than one place. He wrenched his hands from the sheets and placed them on Zim's small waist when the alien skipped a vital rhythm in his thrusting. He was going far too slowly now.

Dib held him, despite Zim's protest that he would be the only one doing the touching.

Dib pushed Zim back onto his raw erection that was slowly coming to its climax. He pulled him back up and then pushed down again...now faster and faster to his liking. Zim wordlessly accepted the new rhythm as if it had been programmed into his pak. This is what Dib wanted.

A low, animal moan was the only thing Dib could utter near the end. Zim was panting, and with one final push, Dib came not once, but twice, his loins twitching violently. His mouth was agape and a hoarse choke followed the first orgasm he had ever had.

Masturbating in the bathroom was nothing compared to this.

Zim sighed, the ride was over. He leaned forward and Dib's now limp penis fell out with a gush of hot semen that trickled down Zim's inner thigh. There was a gaping and void sensation in his abused rear that was accompanied by a dull throbbing pain. Felling a little bruised, Zim crawled off Dib and lay to his side, now judging the human's face.

His chest was working hard to recover the oxygen lost in the pleasured moans and uncontrolled stops in his respiration when the pleasure consumed even his breath. Dib gave a final sigh and looked at his lover.

His body betrayed natural curves as he lay on his side...so like a verdant landscape. Dib never desired him more than this moment. The sex...that had been incredible, but now his body had tasted the feeling and now it lusted for the thing that gave it. Dib's crush quickly gave in to a feeling that was bordering on love, but he couldn't be sure yet because his mind was still reeling in the afterglow.

"I can't believe," Dib began softly, "I lost my virginity to you."

Zim smirked and then asked very superiorly, "But you wanted to, right?"

Dib lifted his brows in thought. "I never even thought about it."

Zim frowned and said deeply, "Were you satisfied, Dib-human?" He was very concerned about Dib's critique of his performance, but he was more concerned about the results of his plan.

Dib grinned. "Very, very satisfied." Sighing very contently, Dib closed his eyes. He wasn't tired at all, but he had to process what had just happened properly, and he could only do it by hiding behind his eyelids. Dib missed Zim's smirk, for the alien thought he had cured Dib by purging his fleshly passions. Dib felt a movement beside him. Zim was getting up, and with a barely cracked eye, Dib spied Zim's tight rear, blushing immensely at his audacity.

He never thought about Zim that way before, not even during the crush. It was innocent speculation, and all his thoughts about Zim were pure to the point that he never imagined them having sex, though kissing had popped up a few times, and then, that one time...but nothing compared to this single event. How had he gone from that to blushing at the mere sight of his green body?

Dib blamed his damned penis for sure.

Zim turned to him finally with an involuntary grimace after pulling his pants on a bit too roughly.

Dib propped up on an elbow and asked, "What's that face for?"

"Nothing...nothing, just a little sore." Zim straightened himself and smoothed the wrinkles in his pants absently.

"Oh," Dib replied. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking about--"

"It's nothing Dib." Zim spun around. "I'm going to take a shower, and you're coming with me." Zim threw his shirt over his shoulder and decided to leave his shoes right where they were.

"Can't I just lay here for awhile? You know that's what you're supposed to do after sex, I think. Well, I guess you don't have to, but a lot of people do, so I've heard."

Zim's eye twitched. "Are you done yet?" he asked irritated.

Dib rolled his eyes, sat up and grabbed his pants off the floor.

_I've been laying there naked the whole time... _

"Computer?" Zim asked suddenly. "What is the current weather condition?

The computer replied swiftly, "It is ten degrees Fahrenheit, -12.2 degrees Celsius. Freezing precipitation, snow, wind from the north at ten miles per hour."

"Looks like you'll be staying after all, Dib-human. It's snowing and I don't plan to go out in that mess. Perhaps you can help me finish the modifications to the Voot later?" Zim, elegantly shirtless, awaited Dib's answer. He said yes.

Dib followed Zim out of the room and into the showers where Zim stuffed him into a private stall and walked away to his own. He washed because Zim had wanted him to, apparently, and because he didn't have mind enough to say no. Still, the hot Irken water, lightly tinged blue and heavy with artificial nutrients, felt very good to the skin that had been previously assaulted by his alien lover.

It worried him, though, to know that Zim had done this out of kindness...or selfishness...the damned boy just wanted his friend back and undistracted by teenage emotions. What could Dib do now but ignore his feelings? But he couldn't do that to himself and he couldn't lie to Zim.

He would have to tell Zim the truth.

In the next shower, Zim also relished the cleansing water. He washed away Dib's fluids between his thighs, a little disgusted at the stuff, but feeling at the same time rather apathetic to its presence _because_ it was Dib's. He could allow Dib's person to come into contact with his own, but if any other human dared to come as close as Dib had...well, there'd be hell to pay.

This singular act had been an incredible leap of faith and trust on his part.

He only hoped the human would be grateful.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

**AN**: I must apologize for not updating. It was the transition from the previous chapter that gave me the most trouble, as I wanted the content in this chapter to follow immediately...why? Because I'm weird that way. Anyway, I know exactly where I'm going with this story, and the end is already in my head but some chapters away. I almost made this chapter the last and to call "In the Grey" part one and start a part two because the end of this chapter pretty much screams "end of part one" but I didn't…please enjoy. R&R.

In the Grey

Chapter 8

If there was ever a time to be silent, it was now. Dib wasn't thinking of silence in the present, not speaking to someone or to himself, but being silent about feelings or a thought that plagued him. He was being silent about critical things, heavy matters of the mind and heart. The two were at war with each other constantly now. One said something logical and the other proposed irrational, emotional logic. Emotional logic was not logical at all.

Dib's struggle would not have been so hard if a certain _someone _would stop making it so difficult. Zim didn't know what he was doing, in fact, he wasn't doing anything! He was completely oblivious to Dib's feelings because Dib was hiding them very well, and the alien could not fathom the repercussions of that one, incredible moment of fulfilling sex. It had driven Dib over the edge, pushed him to feelings that he didn't know was possible. The crush, which had been easy to control, was something more now. Dib thought, no, _knew_, that his feelings would have disappeared if left alone. Zim was his friend and the feelings had come from a desire to have something that he'd never had, and that was true companionship. It didn't matter that Zim was an asexual thing (he was still a boy) and it didn't matter that he'd never felt anything for another human, male or female, in that delicate realm of teenage puppy love.

Oh, but it was too late to turn back now.

It was too late, an entire year later, the "anniversary" of their friendship. This very day, Zim had come to his door and exposed himself, half-threatened suicide, and showed him the end result of failed suicide.

And almost half a year ago was the day Dib lost his virginity.

There wasn't a single breath in him that could convince Zim that what he had done for him, meaning the sex, had been in vain. Zim didn't need anyone to tell him anything, because if he believed something happened, especially by his own two hands, then it happened successfully, and only he could say otherwise. To even mention to Zim that he still had feelings would be too stressful on their friendship, and there was no idea of what Zim might do if he knew Dib loved him.

Because...Dib did love Zim, loved him in the most unusual way, the most _inhuman_ way. It was simply that Zim was an exception to the rule. He could be something else with Zim, and it gave validity to his feelings that Zim was an alien and he himself was a human-alien among human non-aliens. There was no denying that years of pre-Zim had ruined him for this relationship.

Paranormal escapades made him an outcast, and his mind was too warped for sensible human behavior anyway.

What was left but Zim, and then, the most distressing thought was that Zim could never, _ever _feel the same way, even if he wanted to, and if he did, it would be distressing to Dib because that went against everything he found likeable in Zim! The conflict and the struggle! There was always the underlying feeling of dislike that Dib held for Zim, but it was never apparent, and Dib could never tell if that feeling was gone. Sometimes he knew it was, but then Zim would do something stupid and he'd be reminded of what Zim had done in the past, to him and to the earth. Sometimes a heat would fill his chest, it was burning anger, but he repressed it unthinkingly. That had not happened in a long time.

Now, his chest would constrict and his heart would stutter when Zim was too close to his body or it might flare when Zim said something incredibly thoughtful about whatever subject.

It never ceased to be unbearable. He didn't want to hate Zim for giving him that one moment of gratification, but in reality, he wished it had never happened because he now wanted what Zim wanted, and that was simple friendship. He could lie, repress his feelings, never look at him but only when he spoke, never reach and touch his shoulder in a caressing way, only to attract attention, fleeting, but never a lingering touch. And it had been so, so long since he had been touched. How much longer could he go without it and how long could he repress his desire.

What could a seventeen year old boy do with such feelings?

* * *

"Please, come in Dib and have a seat. I've been looking over your recent test scores and they aren't as good as I hoped they would be, especially since you're considering the city's top university. I know this was just your junior year, but what happened?"

Dib shifted uncomfortably in his seat and shrugged. His counselor frowned.

"I hope you'll do better this year; you're a senior now and I expect you to do better." Another weary sigh came from the counselor. Doing this kind of job really wore on him, and kids like Dib, smart but completely ostracized from the school community, worried him greatly. He wanted all the kids he worked with to succeed, but stress got the better of most of them, and he feared Dib would be the next victim.

"I wish you would open up to me Dib, let me know if anything's happened to make this drop in your grades. I've heard that you've stopped chasing after Zim and calling him an alien, and I see that you did very well on your midterms, but somewhere around the beginning of this year it all went downhill. No one's been, how do I say this, well, talking about you as much, and I'm wondering if a lack of attention towards you has anything to do with your grades." The counselor looked very sternly at Dib, as if his lazy blue eyes could lure the answers out of the boy.

"I...I..." Dib stumbled on his words. Maybe talking wouldn't be so bad. "It has nothing to do with my, uh, paranormal stuff, but I guess I didn't do very well because...because I had this crush on a person and it was really hard." Dib averted his eyes shyly and awaited his counselor's analysis on the information. No doubt he would say relationships were hard, but this man had no earthly concept of what he had with Zim.

"Oh," the counselor's voice perked. "A crush? Wow, I remember my biggest crush in high school was on a girl named Lea. She was gorgeous." The counselor suddenly had a faraway look but focused again on Dib, who didn't seem to be affected by his personal response. "Whatever person you have a crush on Dib, whether they know or not, doesn't really matter. It's what you do with it. If you like that person for a reason, find a way to use it to your advantage. Make yourself a better person for them, even if they don't return the feelings, and I'm not saying to annoy the person, but gradually, feelings will fade, and when they do, you'll always look back and remember that one person who inspired such feelings. Understand, Dib?"

Dib assented. "Yeah." _Um, no._

The counselor smiled, despite the feeling that what he had said was essentially useless to Dib.

"I suppose you can go back to class now, Dib." With a sigh, the counselor leaned back into his seat as Dib arose and walked from the room. Down the empty hall he emptied his brain of the counselor's nonsense. It was that, pure nonsense. What did he know what he was going through? No one did except himself, and he was truly lonely because of that.

He tried not to be burdened by his thoughts through the rest of class and through lunch with Zim and Gaz, but just being near _him _made his heart beat in the most aggravating and exhilarating rhythm. Sometimes Zim would glance at him strangely, as if his antennae detected his rapidly throbbing heart, and at one moment during lunch, another organ that made him leave prematurely. Dib found himself alone in the bathroom, too afraid to rid himself of the aching erection, mostly because he feared being caught. He sat on the toilet and bore the damned thing until the bell rang.

But before the bell rang and while he was...indisposed...in the restroom, Gaz decided to have a talk with her _dear _friend Zim. She first gave him a menacing scowl, as if her face could twist anymore in that direction of evilness. Zim was taken aback and was going to say something equally evil, but before he could even open his mouth, Gaz spoke.

"I want to let you know, Zim," she spat, "that if you and Dib can't get your crap straight, then I'll have to do it for you." With that she went quiet and pounded the keys to her GameSlave.

"I...what?" Zim scrunched his face in true confusion.

"You and Dib, Dib and you. Geez Zim, can you get any stupider?"

"I am not stupid!" he shrieked. Everyone around them quickly looked in his direction then immediately ignored him as they always did.

Gaz leaned in over the table (not forgetting to pause her game) and Zim did the same, knowing the universal gesture to mean a secret conversation.

"Dib still likes you," Gaz whispered.

Zim hissed back, "I cured him of..._that_."

"You can't cure _that_, moron, you just made it worse. Plus, if it helps, he's told me one too many times how much he cares about you...still. It's annoying." Gaz pulled away from the table and resumed her role as a gamer. Zim scoffed at Gaz's slander. That's what it was! Slander, LIES! If Dib had to tell him something, especially concerning their relationship, he would tell him and not his stupid sister. Why she bothered to say anything was beyond Zim's comprehension, but now he was responsible for confronting Dib about the falsities borne against him.

And why should any part of his superior brain worry about Dib liking him anyway? He did everything humanly possible to satisfy the boy, and satisfied he was. The look of bliss on his face during and after, and the gentle smiles given to him everyday were construed as smiles of gratitude and friendship, nothing more.

_Filthy human should keep her nose in her own business. Dib is my concern not hers! _Zim fumed the rest of the day, and his anger did not go unnoticed by Dib as they walked home. Dib knew something was very wrong when Zim _absolutely _refused to walk home with Gaz in tow, and they had to wait until Gaz was several minutes ahead before Zim even bothered to step off the school's front steps.

"Want to tell me what that was all about?" Dib asked as Zim began walking.

"Your little sister is a meddlesome brat, and as you are her superior, you should tell her to stay out of other's private lives."

"What are you talking about?"

"She told the most disgusting lie about you in lunch, Dib-human."

"Oh, so what was it?"

"That you still had those _horrible _crushy, emotional feelings for me...I had no idea you told her we had the, uh, sex, but you shouldn't have because that was private. From now on, no telling of the stuff we do...in private."

"Oh," Dib's legs suddenly felt like rubber, and he actually felt a little bile come up his throat. "I'm sorry I told. Guess I was just talking to myself and wasn't paying attention to what I was saying. It won't happen again."

Zim nodded his approval and the two continued to walk. The air was very warm and dark clouds lingered in the sky, signaling rain.

"And what about the other thing Dib, about you still liking me. You don't like me do you...in that way?"

"No! No, no, of course not!" Dib laughed nervously and Zim cocked his eye at him suspiciously. "Gaz doesn't know what's she talking about, she's just being mean as usual. I mean, that night, wow, that was something...don't think I'll feel that way again, not for a long time..."

"Yes," Zim said rather haughtily, "not for a long time..._but _you imply that you might feel that way again." Zim narrowed his fake eyes and Dib could sense Zim's stubborn concern.

"I did?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"You said, not for a long time, so that means some time in the future perhaps."

"Oh, well, I meant…I…I…feel that, um, I didn't mean about you. Yeah. I might have those feelings again, but not for you, maybe for someone else." Dib let out a sigh. Too close...

"WHAT! You said you only cared about me!" Zim suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned on his friend. "I can't believe I did that for you and now you tell me that one day you _might_ have a crush on someone else! BETRAYAL! HORRIBLE _MEAT_ CREATURE!" With that Zim stormed off, leaving Dib to catch up with an angry alien.

"That's not what I meant Zim, and why does it matter? If I can't have feelings for you then I'm allowed to have them for someone else."

"Oh, really," Zim feigned belief. "That's convenient! You should have told me!"

"Don't be an ass Zim. You act like you're jealous, jealous of a person neither of us knows exist."

"YES! I AM JEALOUS! And when this person comes along," Zim hissed in Dib's face, "I will tear out their fleshy human organs with my own hands! You are mine and no one else's."

"I don't belong to you Zim," Dib spat back with a growl. They were near Dib's house, and Dib felt the urge to run the rest of the way to get away from Zim's stupidity. This was the Zim he hated, the possessive bastard who only heard his own voice, and this was the Zim that brought out the worst parts of himself, the ones that made him want to hurt Zim.

"You _do _belong to me Dib-human. We entered into a contract the day we became friends and I will not have it tossed aside like trash!"

"What contract! There was no contract!"

"Yes there was...is! We were enemies and there was an unspoken contract that we fight against each other until there was a winner, and now that we are friends the same rule applies. You are my friend for life and since there will be no struggle or a victor, we must remain bound until one of us dies…naturally. I will not have you running off and shirking your responsibilities to me!"

"And what about your responsibility to me?"

"My respMY RESPONSIBILTY! YOU UNGRATEFUL HUMAN! I FUCKED YOU!"

"Wooo! Dib and Zim sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" A horrible string of laughter followed the song as a convertible full of students on their way home suddenly sped off. The girls in the back, ripe with breasts and long blonde hair, tossed their heads back and howled in their newly discovered secret. Luckily for them, they had seen the two boys and slowed to harass them, but when the words "I FUCKED YOU!" rang out, well, saying something like, "Hey Dib, still chasing aliens?" didn't seem cool enough.

Zim was struck silent because he had no idea why he would kiss in a tree, but he did not miss the insulting tone.

Dib's jaw clenched and his teeth ground against each other. Of all the things...now he would be teased as school for being gay, which he was in a way (with Zim) but he thought that the torment had ended. Now it was touching him again and all because of Zim's big, stupid mouth. Without a word, Dib walked the short distance to his house with Zim silently stepping at his side. Dib looked at him from the corner of his eye to see that the he had his head turned, facing the ground at an angle to avoid any possible contact with him. When they reached the house, Zim lingered at the sidewalk and Dib glanced back at the front door, feeling the emptiness beside him. For so long he had become used to Zim walking at his side and now that sensation, that palpable presence, was drifting away...that feeling he needed was standing there, looking at him, waiting for an invitation that he really didn't need.

"You can come in Zim, it's...it's no big deal. Don't worry about those guys, they're jerks."

"It's not them I worry about, Dib-human. I should go home."

"Okay, but, don't be mad at me Zim."

Zim averted his eyes and said, "I'm not angry with you Dib. I'll see you around." Dib nodded and entered his home, rightfully assured that Zim was convinced that he had no feelings for him, and as for his friend not being mad, Dib could easily roll his eyes at that obvious lie, though Dib didn't know the extent of his anger. Zim was angry because Dib could possibly have loyalties to another person. Dib nodded as he went to his room. Yeah. He could see how that would make Zim mad. The alien was possessive.

Dib threw his things on the floor and immediately went to his computer to log in and check his email and other messages. For a moment, he wondered what would have happened if Zim found out that his feelings, his love, was as strong as it had ever been, and as that moment passed, blissful and unaware, he felt something in him sink.

Inevitability and end.

Why? He didn't know. Something told him that he and Zim had fought over this subject one too many times. Something was about to happen. It was the feeling he got chasing Zim. It was anticipation, nervousness, and unpredictability.

If only he had called Zim that same day, or made the journey to see him, he would have had one last reminder of the alien he called friend, and in secret, lover, one last time before he disappeared into the dark night.

* * *

tbc... 


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I apologize for this woefully long delay. Please let me know if the continuity between this chapter and the last holds up. It's so hard to write after such a long period of time. As always, I appreciate reviews.

In the Grey

Chapter 9

* * *

Dib looked under his bed.

Ah. One more relic found. Dib felt like an archaeologist in his own room. There were so many hidden things to be found, forgotten things, and each discovery was a memory with a distinct emotion.

This photo was at the very back of his bed, pushed up against the wall, and obscured by piles of dirty clothes that were sucked under the bed by an imperceptible vacuum (meaning Dib just shoved them there).

Here was another reminder of Zim. Somehow this one was left behind when he gave Zim most of his old research. _Most _being the incriminating evidence. Other things like a swatch of Zim's uniform, ripped violently off by Dib in a fight, stayed in Dib's closet in an unnamed box, and this photo would join them.

Dib stared hard at Zim's face. He thought of the saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Nonsense. Absence makes the heart hurt and forget. Amazing that in Zim's brief two week absence, Dib had become less attached to the memory of Zim being more than his friend. He could barely remember how his own body felt inside him, his kisses, his sweet taste. Memories were nothing more than flashes of experience for Dib. He wished he could relive them lucidly, vividly, but that was not given and he could not afford to have them now.

Dib would waste away sleeping and dreaming of Zim if he remembered that way.

It was better to forget. Zim had run away from a battle. That was all.

For a few days Dib kept a vigil on Zim's not so vacant lot. For a while Dib thought that Zim was still home, but as weeks passed he assumed that Zim abandoned his home, and on a few "visits" inside, Dib found everything stagnant and seemingly forgotten. Not even a trace of Gir's messy habits was left.

The present beckoned Dib's return. He avoided Zim's home. School, school, school...trying to keep up with other things going on in the world. Going to movies wasn't fun by himself. That became an abandoned activity. Can't think about that house, gotta keep on my side of the street. Just get up in the morning, go to school, get made fun of, come home. Homework.

Sleep.

Two weeks stretched into a month. Two, three...six...ten...a year.

Here is where the story wishes to diverge, to divulge Zim's haunting presence. Dib ripped through his computer and deleted anything with the letter Z. Dib can't know what Zim is doing...what _could _he know of Zim when he wasn't nearby. His closet kept the last reminders of his friend. Shutting the door was like shutting a part of his past away.

Now, maybe, he could move on.

Maybe.

**-**

Gaz looked in her rearview mirror and applied a thin coat of barely tinted lipstick, just enough to give her pale face some color. She had been sick for the past few days and it left her ashen; even though such an appearance was "Goth," it did not suit Gaz's tastes. Smacking her lips and throwing the tube on the passenger seat, she got out of the car, locked it, and walked towards some large buildings clumped together very haphazardly across a nearly dead sun-scorched patch of lawn.

The lipstick in her car was already melting. The sun was unbearable today so Gaz speed up to get inside the buildings with air conditioning. She entered and immediately relished the coolness, but her joy was short lived. Now she had to get to class and deal with a final exam. Had she studied? Of course not, but she finished the test convinced that she had passed. Or not, she didn't really care. It was just English. Hell, she spoke English! With that annoyance out of the way, she plunged herself back into the heat of the day and into the parking lot.

She fumbled for her keys and unlocked her car. A blast of heat burst out at her.

"Damn, not getting in yet," she hissed. She spotted the melted lipstick.

"Fuck."

Her attention to it was short when something else caught her eye. Thinking it was a parking ticket, she snatched it off her windshield and read the contents.

She closed the envelope after reading it twice.

_Well_, she thought with an internal chuckle, _this is going to get interesting_.

The drive to her apartment was short, but her thoughts ran long. What to say, what to do? Gaz knew what she wanted to do. She parked her car and entered her home.

_God, I want to take a shower_, she thought. Her back was sticky with sweat. The makeup on her face felt gooey. She felt dirty, and when she felt dirty, she felt bad. No one wanted to be around Gaz when she felt bad. Gaz gave into her urges and quickly rinsed off, put on new clothes, and grabbed a quick bite to eat before leaving her house again. It was nearing five o'clock and she had been up since dawn. Now she had to wait until seven for a class. The two hour gap often left her with nothing to do but play video games, and oddly, she wasn't in the mood for that.

Sometimes she thought about getting a job, but with a father like Professor Membrane, money flowed like the Nile. Gaz was never guilty about her own laziness, yet she looked forward to a career revolving around video games.

Gaz made a simple sandwich for her dinner and tuned in to the evening news. In the back of her mind she thought about the note she found on her car. She missed the weather report of severe storms making themselves at home over the city for the next few days. The note. It bothered her until she got to her night class. For two hours she let herself be lost in lines and circles, pens and pencils, colors, paper, paint, and art. She loved drawing classes the most.

Class ended and she packed up her supplies and crept to the parking lot in the dark. There was always a fear that some nut would sneak up behind her and slit her throat or drag her into one of the dark places between the buildings and rape her. Maybe he'd force her into her car, put a gun to her head and tell her to drive, drive, drive...

Thankfully that didn't happen tonight.

Tonight she was expecting a visitor..._if _he kept his word, which Gaz had no reason to believe he would not.

_Midnight, Zim_

Such a vague but profound statement. It was written in the alien's slanted scrawl--absent-minded, too masculine, forced--and the paper it was written on betrayed its alien origins. It was heavy stock with a silver border, a holographic insignia, and some Irken text.

Zim _probably _hadn't thought about the paper being snatched from her windshield, and Gaz snickered at his rather inappropriate delivery.

Now it was nearing eleven. Gaz had been watching TV, snacking, and drawing random things for an hour when the clock finally struck twelve. She waited for the doorbell to ring.

Midnight. Somewhere a grandfather clock was chiming.

12:35 A.M. and Zim was late. Gaz decided to go to bed at one. If Zim was going to play stupid games with her, he could do it on his own time. She needed rest for school and work and she did not have the time or emotional energy to spare the alien who left a hole in her brother's heart. Gaz had to deal with Dib's loss for a long time. Crying, then inevitable hatred towards the object of his affection, and then unwanted acceptance that Zim was not coming back. It seemed too good to be true that Zim _was _coming back, but Gaz would not swear on it until she saw his green face.

Four days passed and no word. She thought now that the note had been a cruel joke, and at one point she considered that Zim had not put it on her car, but what purpose would it serve a stranger to do so?

Waiting and waiting. Anxiety built up when she saw Dib. He didn't have to mention Zim. He never talked about him anyway, but seeing Dib reminded her that Zim _could _come back, and if he did, what it would do to Dib emotionally?

_They _**_are _**_soul mates_, she thought cynically.

**-**

Very suddenly, like a breeze coming through your hair, Zim appeared at midnight and scared the hell out of Gaz. If she had been a ninety year old woman, she certainly would have died of either a heart attack or a stroke. Luckily this wasn't the case, and she had enough sense in her not to scream and alert unwanted guests...she also gave Zim a good whack on the side of his undisguised head for good measure. He winced but silently accepted the slight beating.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed at him in the dark of her bedroom. He stepped back to give her room as she scrambled for her robe and to turn on her light. The instant she saw him in the light, her breath caught. His voice in the dark woke her. She knew his voice, and in that darkness she could perceive that this _was _Zim, but now in the light, the unforgiving light...

"Zim?" she asked with an unusual tenderness. He nodded, but did not speak, though it seemed that he wanted to. Maybe he was sorry he came.

Gaz pulled her robe tighter around her and led Zim into the small den where they sat.

"What...what happened?" she asked.

Zim sighed heavily in preparation of his tale, pending he could tell it. Memories of earth were cascading through his brain, good memories, bad memories, leaving and now returning after more than a year.

"I got caught up in a war," he said. "I came back because I had no where else to go."

"Did you come back to see Dib?" Gaz asked.

"I don't know. I don't remember why I left." Gaz reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, all the while taking in his appearance, so changed that he was almost a different person.

"Tell me what happened."

"I wanted to tell Dib, but I didn't think he would want to see me. That's why I came to you. I can't go anywhere ever again." His voice was suddenly frantic, fearful.

"Zim, what happened to you? What?"

"You won't tell Dib I'm back?"

"But...I thought you would want to see him." Zim nodded unsurely.

"I do, but I can't see him yet. You can't tell him? Zim hissed in mental pain and frustration. "I have things to do first, more important things."

"Why can't you see him Zim, because of how you look now?" He nodded yes.

"It's not that bad, Zim." Gaz smiled gently and reached out to Zim's diminished form. She put a hand on his cheek, her touch comforted him and he did not shy away. He reached up and met her hand on his face, barely caressed its coolness and pushed it away.

"I don't want any pity from you or anyone. Just don't tell Dib I'm here."

"I have to go," he added as he stood to leave. "_Don't _tell him." And then he was gone.

Gaz could have told Dib that she saw Zim, but her best judgment kicked in and a week had passed before she even considered calling her brother or seeing him in person. Even then, she was not sure if she was going to say that Zim had suddenly returned to earth and was disfigured by some alien war light-years away.

_Zim is messed up and probably a little crazy right now_, Gaz thought as she drove to her old home to see Professor Membrane and Dib, who still lived at home for convenience. Usually he and Membrane were working in the lab and today was no different.

"Hey Gaz," Dib greeted as he barely looked up from whatever the hell he was working on. Membrane gave her a friendly pat on the head as he went to the back of lab where storage usually was. Dib did not see the tense look on his sister's face, _so _engrossed in his lab work, but when she said she needed to talk, that it was very important, he instantly dropped what he was doing to tend to his sister's strange tone. She never sounded so seriously, especially when she was talking to her weird brother. They retreated to the kitchen (Dib needed a snack anyway) and did the rigorous tradition of conversation by asking how each other's day was, etc., etc.

"So what is this important thing?" Dib asked after swallowing a bite of a ham sandwich.

Gaz hesitated as carefully considered her words. _Be extra careful_, she thought, _but not too vague. Okay I'll just come out and say it. Say it..._

"Well, I got this note," she began in a deadpan voice, "on my car and it was from Zim." Her voice mumbled at the end, but Dib caught it nevertheless and almost choked on his food.

"What?"

"Zim left a note on my car the other day and came...he's back on earth."

"Oh." Dib looked utterly confused. He leaned on the table and pushed his glasses back up his nose, highlighting his dark and deeply furrowed brows. "Why?"

Gaz shrugged. "He told me not to tell you that he's here, but I know how much he meant to you, so, you know? He looks like hell because of some war, I dunno, he didn't say what it was about and I should've asked, but whatever happened to him wasn't good."

"Why didn't he want me to know? I thought..." Dib's voice broke, but it wasn't from threatening tears, simply pure surprise that Zim was back, and maybe...

"I think he's embarrassed about how he looks, I guess. He's pretty messed up looking Dib."

Dib bit down hard on one of his nails. "I don't care how he looks."

Gaz sighed. "Dib you don't know. You didn't see him."

"I know."

"Maybe now that he's all fucked up on the outside he'll stay here for good—no where to go."

Dib ignored her pitiless words.

"He's _so_ stupid. Leaving and then coming back. What does he want?"

"I don't know." Gaz looked at her watch. "I have a class in an hour. Tell dad I said bye." Gaz made it to the door when Dib stopped her.

"Tell him to come see me...if he comes back again. Please?"

"Yeah, if," Gaz snorted. She doubted Zim would come to her again.

"And tell him I'm not angry with him, for anything. I don't know why he left."

Gaz smirked. "That's just what he said."

When Gaz left, Dib was able to think about Zim. Why? That was the question he thought of the most. Why and why and why? Zim never did something without a reason, so if he came back, he must have a reason. But as Gaz echoed his confusion, why did he leave, he remembered that Zim wasn't always rational even though he sometimes acted so. Deep down in his alien brain nerves and wires were crossed in inexplicable ways causing a madness Dib never understood, and even when they slept together Dib knew that Zim did things for a reason, selfish, but selfless.

_He wanted me to like it, a lot, but only to satisfy me forever. Then you left and I started to forget you…and here you are, you stupid bastard, making me remember all these things. _

_I wish you had just left for good. No, I don't. I'm glad you've come back, even though I haven't even seen you yet. Are you really back, or is Gaz playing a mean trick? What do you look like? What war changed you? Will I ever see you, or will you hide from me forever?_

_Hide if you want, _Dib thought later as he fell into an uneasy sleep.

_I always find you._

_

* * *

_

_tbc. _


	10. Chapter 10

AN: I hope this chapter proves that I'm still alive. It's a short chapter, but I don't think it will disappoint anyone horribly. Please review…if you please.

Chapter 10

In the Grey

_It's plastic surgery. Cosmetic surgery. You cut away the outside, perfect it, thinking you're fixed, but the inside is still rotten and terrible, dead. The act of taking away to smooth the sore spots sounds nice. Very nice indeed. Taking away the dead and replacing it with living stuff._

_There's madness behind the concept because it's both logical and illogical at the same time. Something says accept what you're dealt while another voice says you don't have to accept what you've been given. You're more powerful than nature and you can bend it however you please._

_Bend it until it's unrecognizable..._

_Just don't break it._

Dib sat up straight, panting and covered in cold sweat. The moon came through his window and reflected against all the shiny surfaces in his room. The computer screen, his clock, the rivets on his jeans, and now his glass of water knocked helplessly to the floor. The water seeped into his carpet leaving a dark mark. Dib sighed and fell back to the bed. He wasn't cleaning up water. Maybe if it was something sticky and sugary he would, but he was too damn tired. It was two in the morning and he had been asleep for only an hour or so. Some dream. Couldn't remember.

Most of his dreams were lost. He used to remember so vividly. They were like going into his mind and walking around, frighteningly like the time he walked around in his own head with Zim...

Zim. Oh, yeah. The dream was about Zim. It should always be about Zim. His clock's red numbers transformed into other numbers, noting the progression of time. For a month, time enough to think, Zim had been stuck to the back of Dib's mind, a nagging sensation that the alien was lurking behind every shadow and stalking him to his doom; it did not put him to ease about the alien's sudden apparition. A Zim not seen is dangerous indeed. Gaz said she hadn't seen Zim again. Dib knew she was lying, and he was sure Zim knew that Gaz had told of his not so secret arrival.

Had he threatened her not to tell again?

--

_You do what you have to do, even if he won't understand. Sometimes you have to be selfish to survive, and if this helps you survive, then you have to do it, understand?_

_I can't help you, even though you ask. I can't understand. He can. I'm selfish and I survive, and I do what I have to do._

Gaz turned over in her bed, rolling in the sheets with a happy little dream about the supremely cute boy in her English class. He sat next to her and they exchanged rude comments about their professor on each other's notes. He turned to her, said, I think I love you, and with a rush of passion, kissed her.

In real life he sat two rows away. Her mind remembered and reminded her of this truth, inserting things from the waking world into her dream. Her would-be lover pulled away from the kiss. He was Zim, young and fresh as the last time she had seen him, only, the last time she saw him he didn't look so good. He melted into a ghastly form and the room spun into a black sucking void with flying piggies, students, words, grammatical errors, and the professor, who had gained about six legs and arms and was prostrating to give the results of the latest exam.

_F...failure..._

Gaz woke up calmly to the sound of her alarm clock, and as she woke she remembered bits of her dream and remained unaffected by its weirdness, reminding herself that some had been stranger.

--

Dib made a transition from life after high school to a life of semi-freedom. Working for his father did not allow for much of a social life, if he had ever conceived of one in the first place. He had never been on a date, never had a "real" crush, save for Zim, had never kissed a human in a romantic way, and the loss of his virginity with the most inhuman creature possible put Dib into a reflective mood. For the most part, he reflected on the positives of Zim rather than the negative.

Today he would find Zim. He could feel it. The alien could only hide for so long. He knew Zim had set up base somewhere, for some purpose. Gaz would know.

Today he would do the unthinkable.

And so it went:

"Are you threatening me?" Gaz spat as she slammed the fridge door shut. Her brother looked over the counter, a seemingly safe distance away, but still vulnerable to the shaken can of cola in Gaz's hand.

"I'm not!" he replied, holding up his hands defensively. "I just said I think you're lying about seeing Zim!"

"And I said that I haven't seen him...except that one time. Don't you have to work today?"

"Don't _you_ have a class today?"

"Touché, Dib, touché."

Dib sighed and stepped back from the counter to reflect. Not leaning against something made him feel disconnected from this place. He just felt the tile under his feet.

"I've been having weird dreams about him, Gaz. I feel like he's pulling me and I can't see the strings. I want to know why he's here."

"Even more than why he left?"

"Good question." Dib didn't have to think long. "Yeah, even more than why he left. I can reason that out, doesn't matter if they're the wrong reasons. Why he came back...what's here?"

Gaz shrugged. It didn't matter how many times she told Dib what Zim had said.

_I got caught up in a war._

_I came back because I had nowhere else to go._

_I don't remember why I left._

_I wanted to tell Dib, but I didn't think he would want to see me. _

_I can't go anywhere ever again._

The finality of these words were too concrete for Dib to accept. Too concrete because Dib heard an indecisive voice. Hearing that Zim was unsure if Dib would want to see him...that wasn't Zim! Zim would not care about your insecurities! He would confront you, mangled or not, whenever the hell he wanted because _he_ wanted. Saying that he had nowhere to go. Lie. Zim was self-reliant and if he wanted to stay on earth without letting anyone know who he was, well, fuck you, should've set up camp in France!

"Zim's a liar, and so are you."

"I can't say that I'm not a liar Dib. You probably know me better than anyone." Gaz stopped, then posed, "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking...I'll wait. Zim will show up," Dib said confidently.

With a cynical snort Gaz said, "And you know this because he wants to see you?"

"I know it because he _has_ to see me."

--

"He said this to you?"

"Yes and oh my God will you sit down." Gaz glared at the pacing alien in her living room. "Could you also take off that disguise?"

"What disguise?" Zim looked down at his flawless form.

"That holographic shit. I know you want to seem normal, but you're not anymore. Looking like your old self isn't going to make all the scars go away, and besides, I don't like façades."

"I don't have to listen to you, human. You know it won't matter when the project's finished. Now tell me, Dib is..._distraught_?"

"I dunno. He knows you've been seeing me."

"How is this?" Zim said angrily.

"It's Dib, he just knows. How much longer is this going to take anyway because I can't keep covering for you."

"Maybe a week. Gir is incompetent, you know that. I need you until it's finished."

Gaz smirked. "You're damn lucky that I'm into all this, otherwise I wouldn't have lifted a finger for you." Zim's sour expression softened, then saddened at her words. He had hoped that Dib's feelings would have played some part in her participation in his "project," but she was completely selfish. He ticked her off a long list of people who didn't care about Dib, or as Zim thought numbly, me. These thoughts rambled onto other things. Gaz would not be part of the larger picture. In essence, he was using her as she was using him, but his use was far more important than any pathetic plans this human girl would ever conceive in her lifetime.

"I will see you tomorrow then." Zim ended the conversation. He returned to his new base of operation in the city, near to Gaz but near to Dib. He was halfway between their worlds, sandwiched between the city and the suburbs. Both places were vile hovels. It was all the same, humans were all the same. Gaz was a human. She was lost in the myriad thoughts of humanity, though she tried to liken herself to something demonic and inhuman. She played her games, stuck to the ground, eating pizza and wallowing in the human filth of pity and egoism. Dib was never a human. He tried his best to be a good human, but he never succeeded.

Zim oversaw his project with great ire and admiration, his contemplation of the thing before him never fully complete and always torn.

He recalled a day when his skin was something to be feared. Dib would have bowed before the shadow of an Armada come to cleanse the surface of the earth, and in the fleet overlooking the oceans and mountains was Zim, looking as the earth's pearly skin was ravaged.

* * *

tbc. 


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Long delay, again. Sorry kids.

--

In the Grey

Chapter 11

--

Gir was very confused. His master was very fuzzy.

Fuzzy, fuzzy, fuzzy. Then he was solid and not so gooey looking. The solid master thing was floaty because it was in pink jelly that looked really yummy. Maybe there would be some toast added to the mix of stuff. The solid thing in the pink was getting bigger and bigger and more like his master, except it didn't talk. It just floated. Sometimes it would open its mouth involuntarily or twitch a finger, move a leg or antennae, but it remained static in the sustaining liquid.

Gir turned away from the thing. His master was standing next to Gaz, her voice low and menacing, but as usual, his master did not heed her tone, let alone her words. She tried to explain that this would not work and that it would make Dib mad. Dib. The big-headed boy. Gir had not seen him in a long time. Why wouldn't his master let him leave the house anymore? Ever since their fun trip into space, master had become such a killjoy. And why did he look so hurt? Who had hurt his master? Gaz, she is so pretty, felt the robot's stare and kicked a glare at him. Gir caught the look and sunk into rejection. Gaz did not like him, and master only yelled at him. The floaty thing did not berate him.

It liked him, Gir imagined, whatever it was.

--

Zim did not understand why Gaz was defending Dib. Zim had never defended Dib. If Dib had a belief and it was stupid and wrong and hated by everyone, he would not defend him. Why should he? Dib was an independent body with his own motives. Motives are what ruled everything. Nobody was _not_ selfish. That was Zim's truth now.

_Take what I want._

_Oh, how stupid I was to think I could detach myself from Dib! _

_But not anymore. I will become more human than Dib ever...wait...no that's all wrong..._

_Err..._

Zim smacked himself on the head when he lost his insane train of thought. Well, whatever he was thinking, it was not relevant. His project was complete.

Two months in the making, it was finally done. No more scars, no more Irken attachments. He had cut any threads he ever hoped to have to his Empire, his lost people, so now he was truly an exile, an expatriate in the extreme among these humans. This was the moment of his rebirth.

_Never been reborn before. Was I born like this...before? Yes, like a thing in a jar, a little smeet. Popped open like a pill and tossed to the floor in green ooze and coldness. I love the unfeeling robot arm that gave me my life, my pak. But, wasn't that just a program made by another Irken? Oh, here comes Gaz to help me in this stupendous occasion. _

_She is my right hand._

_Yes, that's it, pull this lever, push that button, send me into sleep. It feels like sleep, like I'm drifting. There is nothingness. No dreams. Am I lucid? How long have I been asleep? _

_Feels like...I've...only been a few hours...seconds. Seconds to me._

_Wh-what...feeling..._

_Zim, wake up. Wake up, Zim._

_Do you even remember Dib? _

--

Zim remembered. He remembered being lost in his own mind before opening his eyes and feeling that old sensation of bodily heaviness. It was a cognizant, physical heaviness, like feeling your own soul trapped in a wrap of flesh cut through by veins and stuffed too much with teddy bear fluff, except these were organs and that was a gland and this is the point at which the organ hits a vein and the vein touches the under part of the skin.

The obverse is what you see in the mirror.

You're thankful that you can't see all the crap under the familiar flesh.

Zim had a hard time turning away from the mirror. Gaz regarded the hand she had in this strange deal, but like most things in her life, it had a price and a payment. She barely gave Zim a goodbye as she made off with nearly a millions worth in computer equipment, Irken technology, things that made her gaming dreams come true a thousand fold. And all she had to do was give up her body, in a sense, for what she had agreed to was nothing more than bizarre, perhaps borderline incestuous. She understood the basic concept of what Zim wanted, needed…just not the reason. Why did Zim feel the need to go back to Dib? Why was he disrupting Dib's life when he was so goddamn close to moving on?

_Oh,_ Gaz reminded herself, _because he's selfish! So, rather than spend the rest of eternity floating around the universe alone, he has to come back to this stupid planet and bother my big brother, who happens to be just as fucked up as the alien that landed in our backyard. God, if only he had literally landed in our backyard…Dib would have already cut him up. Yep, they're both pretty selfish. _

_They're soul mates._

"Well, Zim," Gaz said aloud as she drove back to her apartment, "you gotta do what you gotta do."

And he had. Zim had reversed the natural order of Irken physiology, the naturalness of which was not natural at all, but far from. He looked at his body once more before clothing himself. It was like draping a velvet curtain over a priceless painting. Zim wanted nothing more than to let that curtain fall at Dib's feet. He would make to Dib an offering of his own body. But how should this revelation occur? Zim thought: make a dramatic entrance. Knock on his door. Or sit on his bed and wait.

_Whatever I think I would do, then I'll do the opposite._

_Dramatic entrance. Okay, then don't do that. Knock on his door. Yes._

Unnecessary days passed. Gaz was aware of a coming reunion, Zim was planning it, and Dib was oblivious. While Zim thought it would be easy, seeing Dib was harder than he thought it would be. He felt things coming from his brain and his body and they told conflicting stories and tried to confuse his nerves and his purpose, his _raison d'être_. Dib was so close yet so far away. It had been too long.

_I've been gone too long_, Zim thought as he rang Dib's doorbell. The Membrane home was literally alien to Zim. Gone too long, but worked so damn hard to get here. Can't run away anymore…no where left to run anyway.

The brass knob was turning.

So here is the moment. Zim steadied himself and stepped back. When the door opened and he saw Dib for the first time, close like under a microscope, he gasped. He hadn't changed at all. It was Dib, always was Dib. Time didn't really stand still. That was like something in a movie where dramatic music swells and the camera pans over each characters face to catch that fleeting moment of reaction. But that didn't happen. Dib simply opened the door, saw Zim, registered who it was, for it was hard to miss a green alien in a bad disguise.

Dib lunged forward and grabbed Zim in an awkward hug, grasping like the alien would suddenly slither away from him. Zim was crushed but returned the gesture lightly. Dib wanted to say something in this seemingly mundane moment. Why did it feel so dull?

Hey! Dib screamed in his head. Why am I not crying or screaming or hitting Zim? Why can't I pull up emotions…it's like…like this is so us...

"Zim." Dib whispered.

"Yes, Dib-human."

"What took you so long?" Dib pulled away with a slight smile.

"Eh, I was…_working_." Zim cocked a brow suspiciously.

"I should really hate you."

"Yes." Zim paused. He felt exposed. "Because I left?"

"Because you didn't tell me you were. Because you didn't tell me when you came back. Because you're a _fucking_ liar. You were supposed to take me with you."

Zim remained silent. He made himself seem taller by straightening his posture. It was a move that was innate to his haughty character, but it betrayed something about his not so innate body that Dib caught. He stepped back from Zim and looked him up and down.

"You're taller."

"May I come in?" Dib stifled the argument he wanted to start and led Zim to his room. Dib shut the door behind him and watched quietly as Zim intensely regarded his room. He seemed so normal in his jeans and long shirt, the disguise, the gloves, the pak…wait…no pak?

"Zim where's your pak?" Dib came up behind Zim and touched the bare area. Zim tingled instantly. "I no longer require it."

"How is that possible?"

"I made it possible Dib. I made a lot of things possible to sustain myself on this planet." Dib sat on the bed and mentally made a list of questions to ask his clever friend. Vague language was Zim's forte and it usually meant something major was brewing.

"Gaz told me you had come back. I was going to look for you, and I did…a little. I kinda kicked back and waited for you to come. You were in a war? Gaz said you got—"

"She may have said many things, Dib." Zim continued to move around the room, touching things, misplacing them, scrutinizing and judging everything. "She wasn't supposed to tell you I had come back, then again, I guess it doesn't matter."

"What was this war about?" Zim shrugged.

"It wasn't really a war, more like a scuffle between a resistance group and the Empire. When I left I found myself on the side of the resistance. They were in the middle of planning an attack, I helped, and as a result almost died. Luckily my comrades, stupid as they were, saved me. I decided then to abandon any side. I know nothing of sides."

Zim became silent and turned from Dib. "Why did you come back?"

"Oh." Zim spun on his heel and faced Dib intensely. "I came back for you."

"Me? I thought you didn't play sides."

"I don't. I had nowhere else to go. Besides, it's not so bad here."

"Yeah." Dib hopped off the bed and lazily came to Zim. He made no attempt to hide his close inspection of Zim's disguised face. "Take off your disguise, please?"

"I look the same." Dib nodded in agreement. Truly, it was Zim in his alien glory.

"Gaz said you were…hurt. You don't look hurt to me." Dib swiftly put his hand to Zim's cheek. "You're warm, maybe too warm. Is this a hologram?"

"No, it's not." Zim allowed Dib to run his hand over his face and down his neck. He stopped at the corner of the shirt.

"I missed you," Dib said softly.

"How much?" Zim asked in a whisper.

"Enough." Dib smiled and took his hand away. "Really, you feel hot. Are you feeling okay?"

"I may be a bit feverish. It's nothing to worry about."

"So…this isn't a hologram. Was Gaz lying about how you looked?"

Zim nodded no. "Then what—"

"I told you Dib, I went to great lengths to get back here and integrate myself into human society. Great lengths, Dib. You may not understand, but I'm different now." Zim told Dib to look carefully. He removed his gloves and told Dib to see.

"Your scars!" Dib held the right arm. It was flawless and fresh. There was no trace of the self-destruct device's detonation.

"I don't under—" Dib's mouth was suddenly stopped by a pair of hot lips on his own. The kiss was light at first, before Dib fell into it. It screamed passion and release and longing in one delicious swipe of Zim's tongue against Dib's mouth. Each vibration of Dib's lips, involuntary moans, urged Zim forward. He wanted to press this body against his, feel a new desire. He had waited too long for this moment.

"Make love to me Dib-human."

* * *

tbc. 


	12. Chapter 12

AN: It is done. Finally. Please leave a nice review for the last chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed it :D

--

In the Grey

Chapter 12

--

Zim woke from the disaster. A dull ring lingered in his mind, hurt his antennae. His vision was smeared with red and white flashes sparkling like the earth fireworks he often saw during the summer. The bursts of light came and went with a ferocious rhythm, and it was almost too late before Zim realized that the light was coming from large electric conduits that supplied the base's main power. Numbness consumed his body, but he had enough sense in his half-awake mind to crawl through a mess of metal to the far end of the room where a long hall curved deeper into the labyrinth of this structure. Even thought it was one of Lard Nar's most secret outposts on the fringe of the Helix system (some light years away from the border of the Irken Empire) it did not stop Irken spies from locating and destroying whatever pockets of resistance they could find.

The infiltrator had placed the bomb well, but the cold of the planet numbed its functioning, thus decreasing its explosive potential by half. Half, but still quite powerful. Zim crawled over the shrapnel shredded body of a Vortian technician. He couldn't recognize his face. Purple blood from the body seeped into Zim's uniform and mixed with his own green blood.

That was as far as he went. The warmth of the blood, the softness of crushed flesh…a deathbed fit for a soldier. The disfigured face of the body under him peered up with calm dead eyes. Zim wondered if his death had been sudden. His own death would be slow, he imagined, for the pain inflicted on him was pulling his mind into confusion and shock. His consciousness would not leave him and he suffered for nearly an hour before he fell into darkness.

Blood had grown cold, the base a freezer, a morgue.

Zim opened his own eyes and found himself in a make-shift hospital. Nausea racked his squeedily spooch as he tried to take in the smells and sounds of workers fixing the dead and dying. He cried when the pain came to him in rolling waves...no one could spare him any painkillers, for there were none to be had...

"Zim?"

Zim shook his head to slosh the thought out of existence. Dib was waiting for more.

"Well...that's about it. The base exploded and I almost died."

"Did they ever find the spy?"

"No." Zim sighed. "Whoever he was." Zim sighed more deeply to draw attention. Dib's eyes obeyed the sound. He looked straight into Zim's eyes.

"I left the soldiers when I was well enough to pilot alone. I never wanted to take part in their stupid battles anyway. Why did they think they could win against the Empire?"

Dib shrugged.

Zim stood up from Dib's bed and looked impassively at the sheets. Dib had deflected his offering of sex with questions about his time away. The descriptions of the little battles he fought were met with surprised gasps. Zim didn't think they were important and he wasn't sure if Dib was genuinely curious or just stupid.

"I've told you my story, whatever it's worth."

"It means a lot to me, Zim."

Zim replied with an angry, clipped tone. "It's in the past now. It doesn't matter anymore."

"But, if you—"

"Do you want to see it?"

"See what?"

"It. Me. What was me."

--

How do you define me, you, he, she, it? Dib wondered how Zim defined me, you, he, she, it. Apparently he, Zim, was a thought, a memory, something that could be transmitted like a virus from one animal to another, human to human. Viruses exist forever because their true identity is as a virus, not an individual cell with a conscience.

Plague and pestilence.

Dib wanted to touch it, but he was too afraid to ask Zim to open the transparent casket.

"I think I'm ready to dispose of it…unless you want it."

Dib said without emotion, "Why would I want it?"

Zim touched the glass and left little warm fingerprints that trailed down the length of the machine that kept his dead body preserved. "You can dissect me like you've always wanted." Dib hissed and turned away from the face staring up at him.

"Why didn't you close your eyes? You could've at least closed your eyes." Zim shrugged. Dib looked at the thing again, laid out perfect and serene like it had simply fallen asleep.

"If you don't want my old body then I'll incinerate it immediately. Choose now Dib-human."

"Why are you asking me this like it's so damn important? Why now?"

"Because I don't want you to get attached to the idea of me as that!" Zim pointed at the dead body. "If you can dissect it without vomiting and without attachment then I'll know for sure that you accept this body as Zim. If you don't want it, or don't care and let me burn it until there's nothing left, then I'll also know you accept this," Zim pointed to himself, "as Zim."

Dib said without hesitation, "Burn it then." Zim fisted his fingers and pushed the button on the side of the preservation machine. The body disappeared. Without speaking, Zim walked by Dib.

"It's done." Zim kept walking, but Dib grabbed his wrist and pulled his small, new, fresh body to his. He leaned in, could smell his skin, and squeezed his arm causing a little squeak to come from Zim's mouth.

"You—I can't believe you."

Zim tried to wrestle out of Dib's grip. "What, what did I do?"

"You come back to earth, get a new body, ask me for sex, who knows what else you're planning…what are you planning?"

"I'm not planning anything." With a hard wrench, Zim got out of Dib's hands. "I have no where else to go! I don't want your sympathy but I would like you to understand." Zim's eyes tried to bore into Dib's. Dib saw sincerity, selfish sincerity. It was the only way Zim knew how to live, and in that moment, Dib knew that this was it, Zim, the true Zim, was back. No facades, no pretext to do anything but be himself and do whatever the hell he wanted.

It was the way it should be.

It was the way it was.

But Dib couldn't make himself believe that Zim was going to be still forever. Oh, he was what, over a hundred years old? For all those years he had been occupied with something in his mind, implants and forced learning to do a job that was now extinct. Compare one-hundred with a decade and precedence for the century seems more plausible than the few insignificant years spent on earth. And here was Zim trying to convince Dib that it all meant more than the years, the hard dying pride, and the self-satisfaction of being Zim.

Then again, wasn't that...

This was how it was, how it had always been.

And so Dib settled for the familiar because it was right. He didn't need to struggle with his ten year old self anymore. That Dib was beaten, not by Zim, but by age and brutal wisdom. He wasn't a hollow version of a person who had given up on his beliefs.

They were stronger than they had ever been in his entire life.

--

Zim's propped up elbow was just about to slip from under his chin when a commotion roused him from sleep. The professor had just released the class and students were hastily gathering their things to get the hell out of the stuffy, dark room in which a very lengthy and boring lecture on...something...had immediately sent Zim into la la land. No one paid much attention to the strange boy with green skin. College was a veritable magnet for strange people. Zim found it very easy to slip through the halls and across the campus without being noticed, especially when loud hippies (and various other groups of ill repute) congregated on the greens to advocate love of fellow humans and peace junk. Zim snorted. How stupid. At least they were a distraction away from his apparent alieness.

Perhaps this college experience was why Dib had become so mellow. School for him, for both of them really, had always been synonymous with dread, but now it was a source of freedom and precious anonymity. Neither of them lived on campus and at some point after Dib quit working for his father, he had moved in with Zim, albeit a little reluctantly because Zim had become rather impatient sexually and Dib was still freaked, to say the least, with the source of Zim's new body.

Gaz liked to joke about it whenever she could because it always made Dib turn beet red.

"So, your boyfriend's vagina..." was usually how it started, or, "How is Zim enjoying my girlish DNA?"

It was actually pretty gross and Dib hadn't been able to move beyond "Have you broken him in yet?"

Maybe they would move past it one day, but for now they were both content with where they were.

Zim made it home just in time to take a shower and get dressed. Dib followed suite and they were both out the door to meet Gaz and pick her up. Dib drove, Zim navigated, and Gaz quietly played her GameSlave. Unfortunately, Gir was not allowed to come and was currently "distracted" by a 24-hour Angry Monkey Show marathon.

"Geez, we're here." Dib parked and all three got out and entered the pristine white church. Gaz grumbled as she straightened her very somber dress and stomped ahead of the boys. Dib glared up at the ceiling as he and Zim walked down the aisle and sat in the front pew with Gaz. He saw relatives he hadn't seen in years. Across the aisle were people he had never seen before. Hopefully this day wouldn't change that situation. God knew all he needed was Zim's company.

Dib looked at the green boy out of the corner of his eye. Zim was eying the decor with little interest. Of course, he'd never been in a church before. What use did this alien have with any kind of organized religion?

"Dib," Zim hissed, "what is that?"

"It's a cross."

"Oh..."

Dib smirked and whispered, "You look good in a suit."

"Eh? Thank you?" Dib rolled his eyes. They sat in relative silence for a few minutes when people began congregating at the front of the room. Dib made eye contact with his father as he stood nervously at the front. His best man, Simmons, patted him heartily on the back in a vain effort to calm him. Membrane smiled at his son and Dib returned the gesture.

The priest adjusted his microphone as the music started and began the wedding in earnest. Bridesmaids in pretty dresses fluttered down the aisle and picked out prospective hot guys they would later accost at the reception after too much champagne.

When the bridal march began, everyone stood. Dib had to pull Zim. The alien huffed silently and watched the bride gracefully come to the side of her husband to be; her veil and train were laid out like a white fan. Zim thought it was all a little unnecessary. Dib agreed, but his father apparently loved this woman he met at work one day. A pretty face, new, but very pleasant and full of affection.

Everyone sat and the priest began...

Dib slipped his hand in Zim's and twined their fingers together tightly. Zim looked at him dully. Dib pointed to himself with their joined hands, then to Zim, and then to the couple marrying. Zim's eyes squinted questioningly. Dib smiled and shook his head to say, "Forget about it," but he wouldn't forget.

For now, Dib would hold Zim's hand and take this moment for granted.

--

end.


End file.
